Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Tuesday's Tribute..It's Time To Give Back

Be Sure to read to the bottom and see the pictures...hummm

Have you ever had a person in your life that you just know is a good person. A person that is sweet , down to earth and humble. Well I want to tell you a little about someone in my life like that...she is such a blessing. She has a way about her that is sometimes scary. She knows what I need when I do not even know. It all started years ago when I stumbled across her in a really large diet group. She latched onto Philip's story and was hooked to me. LOL. She has been in my corner everyday since day one. I have never doubted that ever. When I needed a sweet message in my email..there would be one from her. When I posted updates about Philip she would be there with a sweet encouraging post. When I would start to feel down and out..she would listen for a while and then gently or not so gently say enough and get up and let's get moving. When I got sick she was on that phone checking on me..and she would make me laugh even when it hurt. Then she would tell me things and would say if you say I said that I will swear you got it wrong cause you are on pain meds...Only a real friend can do that..and get away with it. One really special thing my dear friend does is share family stories with me. I LOVE to hear stories about her mama and daddy. What I would not of given to of grown up in her family. Oh and let's not forget the 8 am Saturday morning calls when I am sick on Chemo and I am sick as can be and she holds my hand over the phone and I end up laughing instead of crying...And only a friend like this feels like she might need to not post a comment cause people might thing she is being insensitive because we are so laid back with each other..Ha. I love it and I love her too. I hope she know it.

Now all that sounds wonderful right? Let me just show you the icing on the cake...Are you ready?

So this ugly brown box came and was by the door..

So I open the box and look what I see...
Can I get a Woo Hoo ...Gosh I LOVE this girl..and for those who are new..please read HERE to understand why this is so sweet. Now I think I can take a bath and smell yummy again. Ha Ha Emily...and NO you can not even touch the bow on the pretty blue box. But you can have the brown box. Love you..I really do.

A Day With My Little Man

I know it seems like my days are always filled with a lot of...what is a good word...well for lack of a better word....Medical Drama. But I thought it might be fun to show you a little NOT so medical drama.
My sweet Cole has been sick with a cold that seem like it is going to last forever. He tells Emily daily that she gave it to him and thinking back to this I would say he is right.
Now before I show you some cute pictures I have to explain a little something..ha. Cole has a issue with toilet paper. He wipes his nose a million times a day...but will not let anyone help him...so you are not allowed to say...OMG she needs to wash his face...oh and you are not allowed to say..she needs to wash that paint off his arms. NOT allowed to say it or think it. And yes I will KNOW if ya think it. Deal? Deal..okay now we can move on.
So what does a mom who is feeling like she wants to crawl in bed and never get out do with a 4 year old who is very grumpy and sick and will not let me wipe is nose. She drugs him up...I mean she gives him cold meds and she buys as much soup and Gatorade as she can.
Now what does a cute as heck 4 year old do with this soup..who has been stuck in the house with his mommy for what seems like weeks?
Notice in the last picture he is really upset that they fell..and so he was done.
So see..we do just some normal everyday wonderful fun family things here also.
But....today is a BIG medical day for Philip so I better get myself up and moving...

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Philip's Story...Part One

Tonight I wanted to start my History of Philip....Not so sure where to start ...so I decided to start in the very beginning.

I am so excited to share this journey with each of you. I will admit that there may be some parts of the story that are harder to tell. Even there I had to catch myself. It is not a story. It is the life of my oldest son who I love more then life itself.

I think sharing his story with all of you will be so good for me. There are things that I have buried deep and I need to share to deal with. So please be patient with me as I go through this process of re living some wonderful and some sad days of our life with what I call the Miracle of Philip. I promise you if you stay with me through this story you will not be sorry. It will renew your faith in hope, and miracles. It also would be a blessing to have your support as I recall these days. And as a added extra it will help you understand more about Philip's medical condition and how to help pray for his medical needs now.

So here is where I decided to start...

This is a picture from my baby shower for Philip. This was a very special day. Maybe a little more special in more ways then just the normal special baby shower day...

I had 3 miscarriages before I got pregnant and had Philip. Back years ago they did not have all the advances they have today with maternity care. In fact the rule was one MC was a fluke..Two was a worry..Three and you might not be able to have a baby ever. So when I got pregnant with Philip I felt like the luckiest women in the worlds. And to this day I am still the luckiest women in the world to be his mom. I never thought I would ever be a mom. And God blessed me with not only being a mom. But being a mom to the most special young man. He is strong and special. And most of all he is my son.

Please check back for Part two..and feel free to ask any question along the way.

Just one more Giveaway

This is what I want to win...unless I lose all my hair then I will not need it. But I will think VERY positive..And if you see this and you win and we will share..I use first and then you...cause that is the RULES...but I love ya..I really do..

WE need to win this for US

The rule to this one is if YOU win then we MUST share cause this is something I would LOVE LOVE LOVE did I mention LOVE to have...so go win it for me..I mean us..


Saturday, March 28, 2009

Philip's Story ..Will you join me?

Once again I would like to thank Sara for making me this button for my blog. She was so helpful and donated it to my blog. I love her work. Take a minute to go check out her blog. She is one talented lady.

I know so many of you pray for Philip. I can not begin to tell you how much it means to me as a mom and to our whole family.

I have had some of you ask great questions about how this or that happen and what certain things have happened with him medically. I know it has to be complicated to understand. because I lived it and there are still days I wonder how the heck we got to where we are.

But there is another reason I want to blog about some of the earlier days of Philip's medical history. Back when Philip was younger there was no such thing as blogs ...shock huh? I would love to be able to keep a record of some of the things that Philip went through. For him and for myself.

I always am going to admit that...some of it may be hard for me. But it will be GOOD for me. I have not let myself think about some of those days and in truth I need to. because sometimes when I do it hurts really bad. And those days are not gone. We still live them each day and Philip still pays the price each and everyday.

So will you join me in reading and following the journey of Philip earlier days? I would love for you to see what a miracle God showed us in Philip's life.

Check back today for part one.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Victoria needs our help...

Okay Ladies...I need your help. A sweet young lady Name Victoria is having a really hard time. Do you remember your prom? Buying the perfect dress doing your hair,,,getting all dolled up and going? Well Victoria is sick again in the hospital and not able to go. She is having a really hard time. She is really such a strong beautiful young lady .
Please stop by her blog this weekend and leave her a comment. I just know how I would feel if it were me...We "girls" need to rally together and cheer her up. Victoria fights so hard everyday to stay up beat and healthy. Let's go over and help lift her spirit.
Edited to add...I got this tonight from Victoria..

Could you please ask some people you know to be praying for me or post it on your blog. Right now I have pneumonia in my left lung and a severe infection that keeps testing positive but they cannot pin-point it. They are concerned there could be infection in my port and it could have to be removed. This also could mean infection in my heart valve. I am quite stressed about all that is going on.
Thanks in advance for your prayers.




Cole says Welcome To Spring...

I found this picture of Cole and thought all of you who are celebrating SPRING with SNOW on the ground. This is his idea of of dressing for Florida 70 degree cool weather.

Isn't he the cutest thing?

Thursday, March 26, 2009

If you would

Please say a prayer for us today. My DH called me and he got a message that he has to meet with his big boss and his group lead today at 4:15. I can not help but be worried . As you know it is not secret at his work that everyone is on the watch list to be laid off ...and this is not a good thing today.

To be honest...there is so much going on right now..there is so much stress that this seems just almost too much stress today.

Please pray that the meeting goes well. That he does not get laid off. And that Jim leaves the meeting not feeling like he has failed. I know right now both he and I feel like we are just not able to fix much of anything...

Thank you for allowing me to have a place to come and share this very big concern.

Edited to add...the meeting is over...He is not laid off, for now. The meeting did not go well. Please pray for some peace at our house this weekend. Jim is just in a real bad way and to be honest I do not blame him but I just really do not think I can deal with much more right now. I know that sounds so blunt...but for right this second it is how I feel. I almost dread him coming home. I just want for a few minutes for everyone to be happy, okay and at peace. or heck atleast one of these...is that really too much to ask?
And just to add by the time he gets home I will be supportive and do what needs to be done. But for a few minutes I am going to feel sick and sad and frustrted. Hey I think this is when I am suppose to pray....so that is where I am going...off to pray VERY hard and very clearly to GOD that I NEED help and peace.

Great give away for US to win


If you win..I will send you what color I want me name..you know the you win..we share..Ha..

Hi/Lo Thursday

I can not get the link to work..But My sweet friend Michelle has a wonderful Thursday blog idea. Hop over and take a look. Their daughter Sweet Abby has stolen my heart and Cole Tre talks to her everyday on the computer screen.

OUR HIGHS...There are some wonderful blessings this week.
Philip made it through his first stage of his operation. The Dr got the tube placed in the spine where he wanted it to go. With the past spinal operations, that was a worry. So Thank You God. Philip is still here with us and we are blessed beyond belief with being his parents.
Jim still had his job, one more week down.
Philip and I still have coverage for our medical issues.
I still have insurance for my treatments. And for my up coming PET scan and MRI. This have been big worry.
I have felt such support from my online blog family..it has lifted me up on some hard days and may 2 am sleepless nights.

OUR LOWS...Concerns for Philip's health after the operation. As of this morning his levels are very off and he is going to need to have some treatments to help with this. Some serious next steps for his path to the next more difficult operation.
Today is Thursday ...so that means long day of treatment for me.
Both Jim and I are worried that he will be laid off within days.
Some feelings I am dealing with ..that in truth are not good for me..Sometimes holding in hurt feelings is wrong but it is hard to just let them go. Working on that everyday lately. I never want to be bitter...ever.

Me and My 2 am thoughts..Oh No

I had a thought early this morning ...you know me and my thinking at 2 am ha. Lately my blog has become something I am not sure is what I had in mind when I started it. It seems to me that I seem to only blog medical updates or downer blog post lately. But then I got to thinking..well Amy ( yes I talk to myself ) you do blog fun stuff too. But it seems to me lately that my blog has been more updates and downers and needy .But when I post these I get such a wonderful support team for myself and Philip. That means the world to me on the harder days. There are days that your support seems to get me through some really rough times...like sitting there while Philip was doing his first stage of his operation on Tuesday.

I am wondering maybe I am just tired and just think I do not have enough to worry about...so I will worry about my blog being a downer vs a carefree party place. There I said it. Do you guys miss the carefree party blog post? Umm...I am not sure I ever had a carefree blog party post...but you know what I mean. Do you know what I mean? I bet some of you know what I mean. And before a few of you think I am worrying too much about what others think of my blog...I am not worried I am thinking out loud...and sharing some thoughts with my blog family...

Speaking of medical...okay ya know I had to mention a few updates.

Still working with Philip. Hour by hour. Things were a little better late yesterday and have gotten bad again. But we are taking in one step at a time.

And today is Thursday...know what that means? It means I have treatment...so I will have even more time to think...scary huh?

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Wordless Wednesday

Okay...Not Wordless Wednesday.

This was taken before they took his back yesterday .

I will post a full update from yesterday . The DR and I had a long talk about what the next step would be. And also some info about the BIG next step. But things are rough right now with Philip..so until I have time..here is a quick update...

Things started okay with Philip after the procedure. But have turned bad. He has a severe headache and throwing up non stop.

I am not sure what the next step is. Wait it out. Try to do something...really there is not too much to do. He is on very strong meds for both. But for now. I am holding on to the knowledge that he did well yesterday for the first stage. And we will see what we need to do to help with this complication.
I just hate it for him. He has been through so much. I just so want him to be okay.

Jim worked yesterday...with his job the way it is...he needed to do what we needed him to do..and that is keep his job. I went alone yet I KNEW I was not alone. I want to tell each of you..I FELT the prayers and support yesterday.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Quick Update

Philip is having the procedure today. We left the house when it was still dark out...early....I have been sitting here in the surgery waiting with too much time to think.
After speaking to the Dr this morning I realize that we have a very long road ahead of us and this is not going to be a easy path.
Philip will need to be 100% weened off ALL his meds before the next major step of this. The DR agreed that this would be VERY hard and VERY scary but it is the ONLY way to do the next step of this. As he said. This is a severe step for a severe operation.
I am trying really hard to just think of today's step and not the next. But to be honest the next step scares . I just am not sure how far his body can be pushed. yet we need to push it to help him.
I will just ask that you pray for peace for me today. Because as a mom I am worn out. Yesterday just put me in a place I have not been in a long time. I hate feeling this way. It is not good for me , the family or anyone. I am trying to snap out of it. But I am feeling worn and weak today.
I am going to pray for a renew of strength and patience. And a lot of HOPE.
I will let you know when Philip is in recovery and I know some news.
Thank you all for lifting my spirits and lifting me up in prayer. I always feel such comfort from each of you when I log on and read the comments.

Monday, March 23, 2009


A little rough afternoon here today...I need someone to take me away and come and fix this for me. FIX IT ALL. But since that is not going to happen I am coming here to vent whine and beg someone to tell me it is all going to be okay. Okay yes I know it will be...I just needed to hear it....

Today Philip slept till 2:45 pm. He is not feeling well and his mood is showing it. Which means I am paying a price. A HIGH price. I know and I get it...I understand he is not feeling well and I get it that he is stressed out...but I also have a limit. I have feelings ....and I am a tad over being the venting post ...there I said it.

Today Philip just went overboard....and I felt defeated. I seem to feel more defeated lately then not. It is not as easy as it was when he was little. He is not little. He is a young man and he is driving me nuts ....yes I understand and I know it is justified...but it can hurt...

Today I am worn down...back and forth...He is going to have the first stage of surgery ...now he is not..then he is not..okay he is..someone please just tell me when he decides and is dressed for us to go..Cause I may have a nervous breakdown.

Okay yes that was a FULL venting.

Not Me Monday

Please pray for Baby Stellan. He is sick and in the PICU with a heart issue they are trying to correct with medication. I pray that the Dr can find the right medication to help this sweet baby boy. I pray for peace for MckMama during this very difficult time.

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

My son did NOT ask me this week if I was PG as he saw me making my dinner plate.
I did NOT look at him with sure shock and say why the heck are you asking that. Reed did NOT then say I just saw a commercial on TV about eating for two. I swear if it had NOT been such a shock I would of been really mad.

I have NOT been looking in the mirror lately wondering what I can do to get that wow you are cute feeling...I am NOT convinced that I am just a plain boring looking person. I am NOT feeling a little less myself lately since being sick and having so many operations.

Emily was NOT really upset with me this weekend when I said Edward really was a cutie. Forget Cute the boy is a HOTTIE. SMOKIN. How old is he?

Speaking of Edward. I have NOT started to have this thing for him. In fact I have NOT found this blog that has some really awesome pictures of "Edward".

I did NOT just watch Emily walk into the wall while looking in the mirror at her butt in her jeans...And then I did NOT laugh really hard. And I do NOT wish I had a butt that would even want to look at in jeans.

Last but maybe the best. I did NOT watch Emily sitting on my bed eating some big pouch purple gum and as she was watching TV she reached down and grabbed some of Cole's purple play dough instead and ...chewed it...Now that was NOT too funny....

I am NOT a bundle of nerves this morning about everything going on this week. But I am determine to start off with a good start..and what better way....then my NOT list...

Hope you all have a blessed week.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Oh No...Not On The BIG Release Night

It started with a phone call from school. Cough, fever, headache, aches...please come and get your sweet daughter.

Next came the thought...of we have to go to the DR to get meds so no one else catches this..okay no..that was not the first thought..well it was a thought...with Philip's operation.

So off I got to pick up my sweet daughter. The whole time she is more concern because of what day it is. Yep Friday? No..not Friday. I mean yes it is Friday. But not any Friday it is THAT Friday. Do you know what Friday? The one that this sweet little girl has waited for over 4 months. The one that I have heard about day after day after day. The one that she has planned to for weeks. The RELEASE of TWILIGHT day.

So off to the DR we go. For me it was to get meds to make sure Philip is covered for his operation. For sweet Emily it was to make sure her awesome Dr understood that she needed a miracle drug to feel better for the midnight release of her LONG awaited movie release.

Oh and of course we need her to get well so she can feel better.

Our awesome Dr looked and listened and gave that Talk. You know the one. It is going around speech. We got a script. Then I mentioned that E had gotten her "womenly visit" so we could talk about a certain shot. Wow that got her attention. She shot me a look of I am going to hurt you mom. And all I wanted to say was...Pay back for Pink. Oh sorry that is a different post. Ha.

Emily came home and rested all afternoon. I went to the store got the meds filled and bough the feel good foods. Soup and Gatorade.

Last night about 8:3o Emily felt so bad she fell asleep in my bed . So for hrs I laid here and told myself I will just take her to get the movie in the morning. No big deal. Then I started thinking about how excited she has been. How much she wanted the movie. And how much I love the little girl. So I dragged myself out of bed and went and stood in line for a LONG time ...


When someone finally woke up..she found her movie there waiting for her.

And yes she has watched it already.

The smile on her face was worth the wait in line...Really it was..lol

Philip CB Update and a Little more Venting...

As a mom you know it is never good when you get a knock on the bathroom door at 12:30 am and say Mom we need to talk..

Promise to not think harsh of me if I tell you a split second thought I had..I thought..I will stay in here and I will not have to hear what it is.

Now ..not that I did not want to know what was wrong..I just had one of these moments where what I did not know for a minute would not hurt or scare me for a minute..

But...as all us moms know..they will keep talking through the door..Right?..

So the issue is...what I feared..major side effects from the weening off the meds. Shaking, seizures, severe pain...This started in the middle of the night last night and is a problem once again tonight.

Makes me nervous. We do have 4 doses of a medication to stop a serious seizure. But this would only used as we called a ambulance. It can cause some serious side effects including breathing issues.
I never want to use it...but there is a sense of Thank Goodness we have it.

We had a schedule for the first part of the surgery early next week. Thought I had everything worked out with my chemo treatment and Scan...then found out there was a issue with someone being with Cole that day. Reality set in that day..It was not pretty...Chemo, PET scan and CT scan worries, Jim's job worries with a lay off and most important Philip's major first step of surgery..
And I could not figure out how to make it work. Hence the I part of that. God knows what the plan is...and he has a reason for it not working out for that day.

I have a call in to the DR office for Philip to get everything switched around. Then I will re schedule my chemo and scans. They are working with us.
And I am calming down.

I guess as a parent you just have to know when you have done all you can do...This is a lesson God is trying to teach me everyday.

The odd thing was...when I found all this out I was walking out the door to chemo and was trying to figure everything out...and it hit me..I am ONE person with too many things ..so something has to give. I ended up sitting on the couch crying for an hour and then saying...well it is what it is...I think that is what they call REALITY. And out the door I went to chemo and the day went on. Just the way they needed to.

And you know what...we are a family of 6 and we make it work. It may not be perfect or pretty...but we get it done. And really in the end..that is what counts.

So sometime hopefully next week we will have a plan for Philip's first stage of surgery.

Brain surgery #17...here we come..Spinal cord surgery #3 here we come.. We PRAY to have this the last of the operations.

Tomorrow is a new day and we are blessed to be able to be all together.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Feeling Worn Down Today...

Ya know I try to show a positive attitude in my blog. Many of you seem to think I am strong and I just have to ask are you sure it is my blog you are reading?
Today I am not strong . I am going to work hard to get there by the end of the day...so here I am ...
Each of you who follow my blog have no idea how much the support has helped me. I know I have said that a lot . But I sometimes wonder if I depend on all of you too much. And since I have a habit of doing that...why stop now.
I am too worn down to sugar coat how I feel today. For a few days now the tears have just flowed. I feel out of sorts, out of place and just worn out.
I have not felt well this week. I have not snapped back . I just can not snap out of this. Last night my bones ached so bad I was in bed in tears. I have to admit I felt a little defeated. Between being sick all week and in pain yesterday. I felt emotionally and physically beaten up a little.
Then there is the constant worry of the issues with Philip. I have come to a place that I know we are doing what needs to be done. But I can honestly say my heart and stomach are anxious. I have this feeling. Not a bad one. Not a good one. Just a feeling of dread. Yet when Philip and I talk about things , all he will ever see is a positive...we will do what we need to do attitude...and then when we are done..I feel dread. I have decided dread can wear a girl down.
Now for the big news . I have not said anything because I had hoped I would wake up and it was a dream. But reality is...this is not a dream.
There is big worry of Jim being laid off. He went back to work part days this week and the first day ended up in a meeting with a boss and each day there has been some issue ....that seems to shout that things are not good. Jim has worked at the same place for 18 years this May. Never has he told me he is worried about his job. This week everyday the worry gets more clear.
I have prayed. I am worried and then prayed non stop.
I shave spent two nights thinking ..what can we cut down on. Well in truth..not really anything. I can not help but to think about insurance issues.
I feel like maybe I could lose it. Did I say that ? Okay well today I feel that way. We are behind on every bill including the house from when Jim was out of work. I can not help but think if we were caught up somewhat I could see things more clearly ..with the We can do it talks I am having with myself.
I guess today I just feel kind of alone. Maybe I do it to myself. There is no family support here except for Jim parents and they do all they can do, and more. Reality is...we have to depend on our family of 6 to make things okay...and maybe that is what God is trying to beat into my head. But I feel weak emotionaly today ....and I need to feel stronger.
Maybe I am just tired today. I mean It takes a lot of effort to put on that happy face when the kids are home. They worry enough with things like illness that we can not hide...I just can not let them see me fall apart. I hate for Jim to see me worried cause I know he is worried. heck last night when I was sick from my treatments I tried to hide it..I wanted things to just be OK last night.
I know in so many ways things could be worse. I have used that slogan for my whole life with Philip's stuff. Philip is here. I have options for my medical stuff and am blessed to be able to go to treatment today and it is covered under insurance today....and Jim does still have his job today.
Okay..time to dry the tears...and go get ready for my treatment...and maybe get some sweet cuddle time with Cole Tre...Gosh he is the best cuddle...
I know I do not need to say this..But I am sorry I am so down today. I just feel a little worn out and really sad. I know God will make sure we are okay. Yet I am a mess. I would appreciate any prayers you can offer today.

Things are going to be okay...and I will work on a better attitude.

Philip ..CB update

Today has been another rough day for Philip. Weening off some of his meds is almost cruel it seems. He and I just spent some time talking about what night meds for him to take to try to give him some pain relief for tonight. I understand why he needs to ween off the meds but it is just hard on him and very painful. We are always watching close for seizures since some of his meds are related to that. We need to really NOT get those started where we can not control them

One more issue..Philip fell the other day and cut his foot . It is in a bad place and slow to heal. Please say a prayer that it can start to heal and we do not need to have anything done with it. Any type of infection is harder for Philip to fight right now.

We are doing the work up for Philip's first stage of his operation. There are two important things that HAVE to be done before we can get it done. He has to have medical clearance. Not the easiest thing but we will get it. And he has to have a psych consult due to hos extreme this operation is. I am working on getting that done also. Alot to get done..not a lot of time. But we will get it done. Whatever it takes.
This was posted on Philip's CB site last night and I know some of you do not read there. So many of you pray and carry Philip in your thoughts daily...I wanted to just share these quick thoughts from From Wed.

We are looking at the first stage of the operation in a matter of days..maybe..

Today was heartbreaking for me ..Philip never really complains about too much or talks about the 'what if's. But today he told me he was worried about his future. He talked , I listened and inside my heart broke. What do you do when you can not pick them up and rock them? So instead I said..well you know I will do whatever it takes to make sure you are okay and take care of you ALWAYS.
I wish I knew what that was. Until then I will pray and hold on to the faith that GOD has always held Philip in the palm of his hand and taken care of him.

We are so blessed.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Wordless Wednesday

Last week it was sexy men this week it is...umm...what is it...
Oh it is Jim's 15 year old...( I am not claiming him in this picture..lol)

Look at those legs? Wow.

Okay this was Halloween..and I told Reed if he did not do a certain something this week he would pay the price..and he said in that normal 15 year old way..yeah whatever. Here is your whatever..Ha

Hey there Reed. Do not mess with your Mama..
Love you sweetie..

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Tuesday's Tribute..It's Time To Give Back

Something has happened. Something I have not shared with anyone but my husband. This is such a blessing to me . It brings tears to me each and every time I let myself think about how excited I am about this. I hope you enjoy this story as much as I do...and as much as I am.
Yep Today I am thankful for Facebook. Let me share something wonderful with you that has happened through me signing up for my facebook account.

One day a few weeks ago I was not feeling too well over the weekend and logged on line and decided to join facebook. I found a few people and logged off and did not go back for a week or so. The next weekend came around and I spent most of time laying around trying to recover from the dreaded treatment. So as I messed around online I logged in on my facebook and started searching.

All of the sudden I put in the name Joey and his last name and there he was. I knew it was him right away. He had the same face , the same eyes, the same smile and I just knew that was Joey. All these years later and there was the same kid I loved to play with but he was a adult holding a one day old baby. My second cousin. Wow. What a rush of feelings.
So I decided to try to add him as a friend and waited. I have to admit I was really a little nervous about if he would accept me...or even worse know who I was. A little while later the IM screen popped up and there he was. So I said...do you have a dad name David and a mom name Brenda? He said yes...I said I am your cousin.

From that moment on I found apart of my life that I thought was forever gone. The story behind the story is...when Joey and I were younger we played all the time. Our families lived near each other and we were buddies. I loved having Joey around.

The reason Joey and I lost contact is because we both come from families that we KNOW are dysfunctional. What I mean by that is...My Dad and His Dad came from a family of 8 and there family is not what I would call the normal happy family. In fact there are some serious problems. None of the 8 seem to talk and family does not seem to mean to them what it does to myself.

My dad and Joey's dad got in a argument and it was not pretty. And due to that we never saw them again. I lost contact with Joey who was maybe 5 at the time and I was 7. Maybe for our dads it was not that big of a deal but for me it was a big deal. I always wondered what happened to Joey and his brother Bubba, my younger cousin. Bubba does not remember me , he was too young.

And I also missed my Uncle David and Aunt Brenda. To me the were so cool and I loved having them in my life. Then one day it all ended and that never changed until the one day I logged on to Facebook.

When I spoke to Joey I told him how excited I was to talk with him and I knew he was younger when he knew me but I had adored him and had hunted him down. He seemed as excited to be talking to me as I was him. I sat there and I a little more whole . I found a missing piece of my childhood and had brought it in as a adult.

Then Joey mentioned some personal issues in his life . It opened us up to be able to talk about " dad's" family history and how we knew we had to as parents break the cycle. It was so nice to be able to share our story with each other. And the best part was He got it cause he is my family.

I told him that I had been really hurt cause My dad lives 5 miles up the street and we have no contact. But that was his choice and I think it is for the best. I have beat my head on a wall for years with that issue and my heart is hurt my my mind knows it is for the best.

Then a few days later he told me he had told my Uncle David that I was sick how sorry he was. He said that my Uncle David sent me his love. That was so special to hear. Like I said I always thought such great thoughts about my Uncle David and Aunt Brenda. And even as a grown adult it was so comforting to know he cared. I am still that little girl sometimes...

Here is a little something from Joey to me..
Hey right back at ya! You're dead wrong! It means so much that you got in touch with me!!!! I always kept you near to my heart as my favorite person, much less favorite relative! I remember you very vividly. And I would be honored to have you put this on your blog. Feel free to use my name. I am so proud to be your cousin. I only wish this all could have happened a long time ago. You have no idea how excited I've been Amy, since I found out this was you! I've been telling everyone!

So you see for me...I sit here with happy tears. I have no family on my dad's side at all..and now I have found my cousin and he has a sweet little baby boy. I am so very blessed. I have my little cousin back and I am thrilled.
I am thankful that Facebook makes things like this possible.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Not Me Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.
Another week of the things I did not do.......
I did NOT get on the scale this morning and when I looked down say very loud ..This this THAT number that I said if I got to I would consider cutting off a butt cheek...and then I said Cancer or no cancer. The butt is gotta go. People I am telling you...things are out of hand.

I did NOT get a lot obsessed with butts this morning and happen to be reading a blog where a cool blogger posted about getting a treadmill and had a link to her butt. So I did NOT then go and click the link to see if her butt was bigger then mine. Then I did NOT say out loud....her butt is not big at all. That would NOT only be odd but weird.

Philip did NOT ask me if we had a hiding place for any clean towels. That would mean that either I really did have a hiding place or there were NO clean towels yet again.

Last but the best ...my DH did NOT stand outside the bathroom door as I was getting sick and say Hey Amy is there a way we can get someone to come in do the floors? Granted I know he has a serious back issue and can not do them and I am sick with my treatments ..HENCE SICK in bathroom is NOT the right time to ask such a question....EVER AGAIN. Okay he probably did not know I was throwing up. Maybe? Ya think?

I am NOT wishing I had someone to come in and do my floors..this week.

BTW ...I am NOT thinking some of you mommies out there need to be more supportive and helpful with my FISH problem. One day you ladies will need me and I will NOT be there. Wink Wink. I will always be there...Now go post on my fish story and be supportive unlike some who ask things like why did you do this or that. The fish is gone. This is NOT the time to blame me. Ha

Just another 2 am post..

Well it is 2:27 am and my mind is going places it should not. Today a simple comment by my DH got my mind going crazy. He meant nothing by it..in fact I have said it to myself a million times but he said it OUT LOUD and I heard the words and they stung. What if we are doing the wrong thing with the surgery?
Yes we have prayed. Prayed and Prayed . We have listened to the Dr. We have weighed the facts. And the truth is. This is a very scary place to be in. And Philip wants to go ahead and try the surgery. But still....
Wanna hear something? Some days I think I do not let myself REALLY think about how scary and complicated this has gotten, I make myself try to forget. Let me explain. I start to REALLY think about how things are and it is almost like a band aide coming off. So I start to peel it off and then I say it hurts really bad so I end up not taking it off.
I know one day soon I may have to just yank it off...and maybe that is what I need to do...but it can hurt pretty bad.
I know I say this way too often. But I am sometimes shocked that this has happened. I know it has..and I have had plenty of time to get use to it. But I just never thought we would still be where we are now. I wish I could fix this for Philip. I am his mom and I want nothing more then to help take this from him and make everything okay. Instead I feel like we are rolling a dice. Okay not really..that is the 2 am talking.
Hey..Thanks for always being open to listen..even at 2 am..Just been a long weekend and I am tired.

Excited To Offer You...Giveaway

Okay..who has Twitter..raise your hand. Now...who would LOVE to have a awesome custom made Twitter Background? I had one done for me today by my wonderful friend at her BLOG.
Not only did she take pictures that my DH took at the beach today to make my background but she even laughed when he called her today and told her what she should do to make HIS picture look better. I have to say that they worked really great together today on my twitter.
Wanna see my new page..I love what she did with it.
My Twitter Page.

A note from Sandy...
Need a custom Twitter background? I’d love the opportunity to design it for you. These aren’t cookie cutter designs. Each and every background I design is unique. I will ask you some questions - we will work together - and we will come up with a design you love or the deal is off. So, unless you absolutely have to have a clone (or near clone) of another one I’ve done, you get your very own background. I’ll even install it for you if you’d like.
So are you ready to win your free custom Twitter Background (Retail Value$49.95)?
So here is what you do to win..ready?
Leave me a comment for EACH one of these you do. So you get points for each.
1 entry....Follow my Blog
1 entry ...Follow Sandy's Blog..
1 entry....Subscribe to Sandy's Blog (Plus you get a ebook)
1 entry....Follow me on my Twitter
2 entries....Follow Sandy on Twitter
3 entries...Tweet about this giveaway
5 entries...Blog about this giveaway and comment the link on your blog showing me the post with the giveaway details.

Sandy is also offering a $10 off code ( Philipo9) till March 31st for any order placed through her blog.
Good Luck...
I will announce the winner March 23rd.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Oh No...Who Ate The Fish?


We have a little..okay a BIG GIANT problem. See this cute little fish? His name is Spaghetti tails..because we paid extra for this sweet thing because he had such a cool tail..it looked like well Spaghetti...get the name..
Okay and then we put him in this cool fish tank that Santa brought Cole...I mean this is a home any fish would LOVE to hang out in..right?

Okay now here is the issue...notice the tank is empty ..No fish..Lid on floor...yep....Where is Spaghetti Tails? Okay say it again with some emotion...WHERE THE HECK IS THE FREAKIN FISH?
There are a TWO thoughts that come to my mind...and NEITHER of them are good....
Oh and the cute little fish eaters are licking there lips...GUILTY..Poor Fishy..Bad Kitties.
The tank was empty..No matter how many times I looked. No matter how much I swore I would be a better fishy mommy if he would just show up. I emptied the tank looking for the fishy.. Like he was hiding...No Spaghetti Tails..


Great Giveaway..But rules about sharing...lol

Here is the deal...if any of you win..we share..right? Cause I know what I LOVE already..


Friday, March 13, 2009

Mamarazzi’s Favorite Things Swap

I had so much fun doing the awesome Spread The Love Swap . And My swap buddy Missy sure showed me some love.. The best part is we live less then an hour from each other so I am looking forward to meeting up with her for some lunch and some shopping.

Here is a picture are the wonderful gifts she sent me...I so enjoyed each of them..and so did Emily..Ha.
This box was filled with Twinkies ( I ate the whole box...) and candy and a Edward book...and some VS lip gloss and some Wonderful Lavender house warmer..and I now know she knows from my package that is one of my favorite scents. A really cool pair of earrings. A starbucks coffee cup and a box of specialty teas. The list goes on and on.
Thanks so much Missy.

If you want to see what I sent her..here is a sneak peek..

Philip's Operation...odds and ends

I wanted to give you some details about Philip's operation. He will be having two. One will be to place everything for a 10 day trail period to make sure he can tolerate the medications and the increase of fluid in the brain. Then he will have another operation to place everything permanent. We are waiting now for a call from the hospital for a date for the first date.
A few details about the operation that the Dr explained to us. They will be in the spine and the brain. One thing that could be a issue is the extra fluid from the medications going in the CSF area of the brain. Since Philip has a issue with the brain already and the ventricles and shunts..the extra fluid could be a problem. But for now we will go with a positive outlook. Okay for one quick sec let me say one negative...cause I can here..right? If the extra fluid from the meds is a issue...then the operation will not work and will have to be undone. So this is a area that is really important...Okay now I am back to the positive outlook...see how fast I went back to that?
The other issue is having foregin objects in his body. Philip already has antibody issues from having shunts and shunt infections. So we will need to find a balance to adding the new hardware. If it does get infected it would be a infection in the spine and the brain area which would mean the shunts would have to be dealt with including the dreaded hardware that is brain stem. I have to just say I hate the hardware in the brain stem..always have..always will.
Shunt infections are really bad and really scary . Philip came very close to dying not long ago from one. I have never been so scared in my whole life. Wanna know something? It changed me. It scared me. It made me really scared. It made me anxious and worried and just scared . Sometimes I still get that feeling. More often then I like to admit. I trust in God. he has been so faithful to his love for Philip. But I worry that his plan is going to be something that I just can not let me mine think about. That was hard to admit . But I am glad I did. It feels good to say it to someone.
And you guys are the best SOMEONES ever. Have I told you that lately?
Now there are some wonderful things about this whole operation..well not the operation but about the fact that he will have this done.
There are some new medications we can try to help Philip with his tone from his stroke. He has never been able to try this before because he has not had the pump. He also can use a new medication to try to help with the burning pain he has. Both of these are big pluses , and we are excited.
Getting to the point to do this operation has not been easy. The risk are many. But in truth we have gotten to a place of not knowing what else to do. I have full faith with the Dr. I also know that we did not jump into this without waiting , trying other options, and also praying for a clear path. So now we will move forward.
One thing I wanted to add is ..Philip will be weening off some of his meds. This will be a hard process for him. Not only his pain meds. But Philip uses some seizure meds to control his pain. He needs to be at a lower level for many of these meds before the operation. So during this time period we need to be aggressive with weening down . This can lead to some medical issues including pain and increase in seizures. I hope that this is not the case with Philip and this will go smooth .
I will let you know the minute we find out the dates for the operations.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Thankful Thursday

Lately I have felt like I come here with a list of complaints. In fact today I had to laugh a wonderful friend wrote me a email and asked me if my day had gotten any better. I said well did I tell you it was bad. She said no but I figure it had been a bad week. AKA..I think that could of meant ...you complain every freakin day so why would today be any different.

So today I will try a different approach. Because no matter what...I have so many thing to be thankful for and I need to focus on those more often then I have been lately.

I am thankful that this morning my sweet little boy told me that he loved to lay on my big soft fluffy tummy. Oh how I am glad I can make him happy. Ha

I am so thankful that today when I went for my treatment that I had a insurance policy that allowed me to go to a place that I wanted to go vs where I had to go. Not everyone is so blessed.

I am thankful that I took time to look over the river today as I crossed the causeway going for my treatment. What a beautiful place I live in. if I am forced to go to chemo atleast I get to see God's glory as I am on my way.

I am so very thankful that there are some choices to try to help Philip with his pain. While I am very anxious about this I am holding onto the faith that is the path God has lead us.

I am so very blessed that I am the mom of 4 wonderful children. Each their own individual person. What a special honor that I have been blessed with.

I am very blessed that God hand picked me to be Philip's mom. I would want no one else to be the one to take care of him on the good and the harder days. I look at him and I see the sweetest young man. God makes no mistakes. I have been so blessed with Philip.

In many ways I am blessed with my illness. It has caused me to slow down and think about what is really important. It has been a wake up call...

I could go on and on..

But I will end with this...
I am so very blessed to have a group of blog friends who care enough to check on us daily and make sure we are okay. I had NO idea anyone would ever even read my blog, and I never would of thought I would be so blessed to have such a wonderful support team. I feel like Philip and I have a awesome support team. Thank each of you VERY MUCH.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Follow up..Question #1

Do you love it as much as I do? This will be the button I use for my Philip memory stories..that I posted about HERE.

Sara did this button as a donation for my blog. She did a wonderful job, don't you think? Visit her BLOG and take a look at her prices. I love her designs and her prices can not be beat.

Thank you Sara.

Follow up ..Question #2

I have gotten a few emails about this POST . I wanted to do a quick follow up...

I found a wonderful site called Theferriswheels.etsy.com who was more then helpful with my questions. She can make exactly what I need to help with my treatments. And she can make them with the exact scent that helps with the nausea...

And a added bonus she has some wonderful things that can be used for Philip's headaches. And also for his arm. She has some of the same things they have recommended at the pain clinics.

I have to say that she has been so wonderful to work with my questions and made great suggestions. She also offered me a 15% discount when I am ready to order.

I will be getting caught up on some medical bill when Jim gets back to work from his back issue and hopefully I can make a order very soon...VERY SOON.
Take a minute to look at her store...you will not be disappointed. I can not wait to make my order. She has beautiful items and can make things to order...wow.
Let me know what you think after you visit her shop.


It has been a long two days ...and I am just plain worn out...I feel so worn down it is making things extra hard this week. My head has pounded since my treatment and Bone Marrow test last week. I think everything is just catching up...I am not complaining. I am just feeling really pretty awful this week. I just wish I felt a little better before my next treatment this week. It will be so nice if my treatment plan changes to be spread out as planned after my PET that in coming up shortly. I think that will depend on what the nodules are doing in my chest area. I finally took a pain pill tonight to see if I could get some sleep and feel stronger for tomorrow treatment.

I am going to give a full update about Philip tomorrow. I will say that there has been a lot of things in the works for Philip over the last two days. I am looking forward to sharing all the details tomorrow with all of you. I will let you know that he will be having surgery. There are so many logistics that go into place for this to happen for Philip . Do I need to say that I am both excited and a nervous wreck?

Philip has a hard road getting his body read for this operation. It will involve weaning off some of his meds and this is going to be very hard for him and in some ways can be dangerous with seizures etc. He will be watched very closely. This will be hard for his but is necessary for this operation and he seemed to understand that when we met with the DR. Please pray that his pain level stays at a level he can manage while we prepare for the surgery.

Thank You all for being so supportive...I feel each and every prayer being offered. Our family is blessed by each of you.

Wordless Wednesday ( Almost)

No Say NO

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Quick Appt update

I am going to do a full update tomorrow morning. I can honestly say I am so worn out tonight I feel like I am drugged. I just feel exhausted. I am sure it is a mixture of my chemo hang over and the emotions of Philip's appt.
When we left Philip's appt today I had hrs of phone calls and medical issues I had to follow up with from Arnold Palmer due to needing some records and additional scans. In fact I spent 93 minutes on hold at Arnold Palmer..93 minutes..can you belive that. So it has been a really long hard day.
We did get some answers today and are working on some decissions. I will know more tomorrow morning. Alot of what was decided today was exciting and some was very scary. I will just say we are entering very new areas and it is exciting and very scary...at the same time.
So please forgive me for saving a full update with details until I have everything tomorrow. I just am feeling worn down physically and mentally tonight.
And I also want to give you all a clear picture when I hear back from all the different suregons and Arnold Palmer tomorrow.
I just wanted to come here tonight before I try to go to sleep and tell each of you THANK YOU all for caring about Philip and PRAYING for him. It means so much to me. I feel such peace knowing that when I am feeling weak you all help pick up the pieaces until I feel strong again. What a blessing you all are to our family.

Today's Appt

I am finding myself kind of nervous about our appt today for Philip. We have to leave here in a few minutes. I guess what makes me a little anxious is I really do not know what to hope to happen. If he said no to surgery I would be disappointed that we can not do something to try to control the pain. if he says do surgery I will be anxious that it is the right answer. So I guess I could look at it one of two ways...That there will be no good answer or a better way to look at it is there will be no WRONG ANSWER. Now how is that for a postive attitude..hum...remind me of that on those harder days.
I have full faith it all will the way it is suppose to be...
I will update later today.

My 15 Year Old..

I do not blog much about Reed..why? Because he is 15..he does not talk ..or really want to a part of our family unless it involves food or money...ha does that explain that? But I wanted to brag about him tonight. He is the sweetest child I have...yep he really is. But he is 15 and he is such a teenage boy...my goodness...Wanna know something else..he would have a fit if he knew I was saying..he has the most beautiful blue eyes and the funnest sence of humor. But once again he is 15...and that will pass..right?

Reed made some wonderful homemade french fries. I am telling you the boy can cook. Did I mention he wants to kill some squirrels and make stew...Ha. He keeps saying that to me to get a reaction. I finally said okay and he looked shocked. I can promise you I am not eating squirrel..and he is not making any in my house. But he can make his wonderful french fries any day and everyday.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Look How Cute..If YOu Win We Share..


From Philip's CB today...Philip Update


We had a long night. Philip woke me up about 2 am and was hurting really bad. He had already taken his extended morphine and used his patch. So he took a extra dose of his other pain medication. He is so sweet. He kept saying I am so sorry that I woke you up.. Not that anyone likes to get up at 2 am but I will get up with Philip anytime day or night. He ended up staying up till about 6 am and finally slept for a few hours. Just not a great night .
We have a appt with the surgeon tomorrow. I guess we will make a final decision about what the next step should be. As I mentioned before the operation will be more complex for Philip due to the areas already having so much damage from previous surgeries before. The other issue is the base of the skull is where the skull has been worked on before when they dealt with the mass. I will hold on to to the knowledge that his Dr is wonderful and very skilled. And as always faith will help guide us which path is the right one. It has gotten us this far.
I have gotten some wonderful e-mails about Philip lately and our family.
I wanted to let you know that I am going to be starting something on my family blog that I will link here also for all of you. It will be some post about Philip when he was younger and his operations and milestones. It will show just what a blessing and miracle he is. I am very excited to share with all of you just how far he has come. It also will help explain how we have gotten to where we are today.
To answer another question I have been asked a few times this past few weeks. We just are not sure what the final answer will be with Philip and his left side. But we are not giving up. With him having the stroke on the right side. He needs to have as much control and use with his left side as possible. We are looking into second opinions at Duke and also John Hopkins.
Also the Mass in the brain stem is in a very bad place, While it needs to come out it could kill him to take it out. If you ask 1 Dr what they think, 5 say out, 5 say no. The problem is once you cut you can not UN cut. So for now we are praying and waiting. As our Neurosurgeon says one day he may have to play miracle worker but not today.
Last question I get often sent often that I will answer today...I have been asked if we have a lot of family support with the children and phone calls etc, from local family.
My family lives in S.C. Except my dad which I have no relationship with.
Jim's parents are wonderful and live near and help with the children. The help with taking the kids to school and make sure to check on how Philip is doing and how his appt went etc. They have been very helpful with Cole since I have had so many operations due to my cancer.
The rest of the family have families and jobs and stay quite busy with their own family.
So to answer your questions we have been blessed to learn to depend on ourselves as a family and Jim's parents. Maybe that was the lesson in all of this.
We have been blessed with my Sunday School class these past few months. Since I have been diagnosed with Cancer they have brought dinner on Tuesday nights. That has been such a nice blessing to us and means so much to us.
If you can think of Philip tomorrow for his appt. I will update and let you know what they decide. He is such a wonderful you man and deserves to be as healthy as possible.
Thank you all who post, email and call to check on Philip and myself. It means more then you know. We are so blessed.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Not Me Monday

1. My DD did NOT start her own BLOG and tell me she plans to make sure clears up the story of the PINK. Whatever.

2. My DD did NOT forget where she hid the pink and now has not been able to use it either. Ha. Love it.

3. I did NOT give Cole a Swiffter this week and have him ask me to plug it in to make it work.

4. Once again I did NOT have one of my sweet blogger friends brag to me about their bra size again ...why do they do that? Shannon do you know why? Hummm?

5. Speaking of bras..My DD did NOT say to me this week when she took off her bra to watch out for a earthquake.. Self esteem ..OMG the girl is a mess..where does she get it from? I so do NOT know.

6. Last but not least. I did NOT tell my daughter to watch out for Kara when she hid the PINK from me and that paybacks were really bad. And when she got the "dreaded curse " for the first this last week I did NOT really want to say for a split second..TOLD YOU SO. Ha. Okay sorry .bad mommy minute ..but please you know some of you laughed at that. Didn't you?

7. Have I mentioned how very much I love my daughter. I am so blessed to be her mom and have her as my special friend. I wonder how much longer I have until she figures out that I am NOT really too cool?

Saturday, March 7, 2009

It is me Emily Again

I wanted to post in my moms blog and let you know that my mom helped me start my own BLOG. She thought maybe it would be a good idea for me to have a place to put my feelings. She says the happy and the sad. She is going to take care of looking at my comments to make sure they are "okay" before I see them. I am excited about it . I am going to blog about my side of the pink soon.

mom has been really sick all day. She is throwing up all day and is having bad headaches . She has been in a lot of pain and just very sick. she is just hurting a lot. I helped her wash her hair this morning in the sink and noticed that there was a lot that came out. She says her hair is just in bad shape from all the meds and the operations. She is using a shampoo that her friend Grace got her and she says it helps. She looks really white and tired because she is not feeling good. I think she is just hurting alot. But she is still very pretty.

I am going to add pictures of my surfboard to my blog soon.



Three Questions...Can You Help Me

Okay some of your smart butts will answer..oh she can not be helped when you read the title. NOT NICE.

Here are my three questions.

First. I Love my blog background. It was my first one and I had only read a few blogs so I did not know what to do with mind. The lady who did mine was so helpful and I love the blog. BUT. I have been thinking of a change. Here is my issue. I paid a lot of money for my blog...and I hate to lose this blog background incase I want to come back to it. Can this one be saved? And can a person who can barely copy and paste know how to do that?

Next..How hard is it to do a new blog..if you want buttons and all that. Yes I know I want want want.
This is a want not a need...so I am just thinking out loud.
Maybe I should just leave well enough alone and keep what I have. I am afraid to lose this background and header..
BTW that was all one question. This is my blog...so yes that was one question.

Two. I am having awful joint pain. Well pain in general. Having 3 major operations since Oct 31st has cause some pain also. I found this wonderful thingy on clearance that was square and you put it in a microwave and it had flax seed and lavender..which would be so nice on the days my stomach is doing it thing it does too often. So last night I was hurting so bad..I said..Okay enough..I will get it. Guess what. Yep. Gone. Can not find one with the flax and lavender anywhere. I did get one from walgreens but it was bulky and too heavy it hurt my incession areas and to be honest when it was heated up it smelled like rubber. It was not a chemp day friend.
So my question is..do you know any ETSY moms or work at home moms who make these. I am looking for one in a darker color. I so would love to get one or two to use on the days I am resting. I also thought Philip could use one for when he does his thearpy. I love to support the ETSY moms so I thought I would ask you all. I did look for a few minutes but my meds are kicking in and I am just not feeling so great. I know I am whinning. But I thought one of you may be able to direct me to the right place. If so please let me know asap. I really think this would help me on treatment days and the weekends.

Third but last...I wanna know..if I include men in uniform in each post will you all comment like you did this past week? Cause just for all of you I will go search for some and ask to have my picture taken with them. I am that good of a blogger friend. I am just asking? LOL

Starting Something New

I wanted to let you all know about something new I am going to be starting next week. I am really excited about this and I think most of you will really enjoy this also.
As most of us know we get so much support when we can reach out in our blog world. But one wonderful thing I have gotten from my blog that I did not expect is just putting my thoughts down and being able to go back at a later date and read what I wrote and being reminded of that thought .
I have gotten a lot of great emails and comments asking me really good questions about Philip and his condition. And one of the coolest thing has happened this past week. I have gotten a few emails from other moms who have children who have some medical issues and they want and need to talk and compare notes on how things were when Philip was younger .
So I think a great idea would be for me to take a day each week and post about Philip from the beginning. That way I have a written reminder of just how far we have come...and just how blessed we are. It also would be a wonderful way for me to capture the story for my children. Because while I know every single fiber of the making of Philip's story ..they do not. And I thought many of you might enjoy reading each week to see a miracle in the making.
If anyone knows anyone who can make me a button for this...that says the Miracle of Philip..I know there are some ladies who read here who have blog businesses. Just let me know what you need and the cost.
So would you like to join me each week in reading about The Miracle of Philip?

Friday, March 6, 2009

New Swap...

Check out this swap and sign up! This should be a lot of fun..

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Wordless Wednesday

Taken This Past Summer
You know me...Almost Wordless Wednesday..

All I have to say ...This is what they must mean when they say NY Finest...

All I have to say is I am innocent. You believe me..right?

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Tuesday's Tribute..It's Time To Give Back

I have wanted to share something really special that happened at Christmas time. As most of you know who follow my blog the holiday were a very hard time for me. I felt so many different emotions that some days it was all I could do to catch my breath,
One night or should I say early morning I wrote a post that I still have trouble going back to read.

Later that week I got the sweetest email from a fellow blogger name Shannon. I knew as soon as I read her email that she knew what I was feeling. Shannon was having to make some life changing decisions herself and was feeling some of the same raw emotions I was. She shared with me some of her fears about heart surgery that was going to happen after the holidays. It was such a blessing to be able to share these feelings with someone.
A few weeks later I had a package that from Shannon that I thought was my ornament that was part of a swap we were in. As soon as I lift up the package I knew there was something more because it weighed a lot. I have to admit I was excited to see what was in the package.
I opened the package to see this beautiful gold sign that said HOPE. It was perfect BUT it was broke. I know Shannon is saying..OMG you did not tell me that Amy. Well to be honest I kind of said to myself..This is a sign of how I am feeling. A little short on hope. Being diagnosed with cancer a few days before Christmas was just a blow to my hope my faith and cause some emotions I have never felt before. So I put the broken HOPE sign away and put a smile on my face and went back to watching the kids open their Christmas gifts.
A few weeks later. I started to come to terms with the battle ahead of me. I dug deep and found a little something in me that I had not know I had. While the fight was not pretty I think it was part of the steps I needed to take to embrace what I needed to take charge of my new life. One day I happen to come across the HOPE SIGN Shannon had sent me that was broke. I looked at it and thought about it for a while. That sign was a sign of hope to me..just like it said. Yes it had been broke. Yes I felt broke. But I would be put back together and I wanted my sign put back together. So I found someone that I knew could do it. I explained to them why it was important . I am thrilled to tell you my Hope sign is all in one piece . And most days my own personal Hope is all in one piece.
I will always keep my HOPE sign as a reminder that while HOPE may be broke with some work it can be put back together.
Thank You Shannon for being such a sweet friend. Thank you for being such a wonderful example of what faith can do in our lives. And thank you for sending me HOPE.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Not Me Monday

It’s that time again. Time for confessions of all things you did NOT (really did) do this past week. This wonderful little (not so much) group therapy session was created by the fantastic MckMama. Are you ready?

I did NOT get a little bummed that Reed's grades were all pretty good because we made a deal if they were not he would have to get his hair cut. Dang him for trying so hard.

In fact I did NOT say to him when I looked at it say to him...you did this on purpose to make me mad..ha. And he said yes..and flipped his hair at me as he walked out.

I did NOT lay in bed all weekend and smell something ..that is actually good and wonder how that happen and what it is. How odd considering I have not cleaned in gosh knows how long.

So I am NOT thinking that if I cleaned it would take away that smell so I should not clean..Tell me your thoughts?

I did NOT spend a week trying to find some dang PINK body wash that my not so sweet child hid from me. I will NOT remember way too long. Ha.

I am NOT a little proud of her that she is so sneaky. But do not tell her. Notice the not is not a NOT. So that means really do NOT. Did you get that?

I did NOT call my mom on her work phone and explain to her that God gave moms the ..well crud I can not spell it even with spell check..so lets just say the belly button cord..Okay so I did NOT call her work answering machine and say Mom God gave you the belly button cord with me because we are attached and you are 535 miles away ..and there is not one that long....so she needs to come fast.