Well it is 2:27 am and my mind is going places it should not. Today a simple comment by my DH got my mind going crazy. He meant nothing by it..in fact I have said it to myself a million times but he said it OUT LOUD and I heard the words and they stung. What if we are doing the wrong thing with the surgery?
Yes we have prayed. Prayed and Prayed . We have listened to the Dr. We have weighed the facts. And the truth is. This is a very scary place to be in. And Philip wants to go ahead and try the surgery. But still....
Wanna hear something? Some days I think I do not let myself REALLY think about how scary and complicated this has gotten, I make myself try to forget. Let me explain. I start to REALLY think about how things are and it is almost like a band aide coming off. So I start to peel it off and then I say it hurts really bad so I end up not taking it off.
I know one day soon I may have to just yank it off...and maybe that is what I need to do...but it can hurt pretty bad.
I know I say this way too often. But I am sometimes shocked that this has happened. I know it has..and I have had plenty of time to get use to it. But I just never thought we would still be where we are now. I wish I could fix this for Philip. I am his mom and I want nothing more then to help take this from him and make everything okay. Instead I feel like we are rolling a dice. Okay not really..that is the 2 am talking.
Hey..Thanks for always being open to listen..even at 2 am..Just been a long weekend and I am tired.