Monday, March 16, 2009

Just another 2 am post..

Well it is 2:27 am and my mind is going places it should not. Today a simple comment by my DH got my mind going crazy. He meant nothing by it..in fact I have said it to myself a million times but he said it OUT LOUD and I heard the words and they stung. What if we are doing the wrong thing with the surgery?
Yes we have prayed. Prayed and Prayed . We have listened to the Dr. We have weighed the facts. And the truth is. This is a very scary place to be in. And Philip wants to go ahead and try the surgery. But still....
Wanna hear something? Some days I think I do not let myself REALLY think about how scary and complicated this has gotten, I make myself try to forget. Let me explain. I start to REALLY think about how things are and it is almost like a band aide coming off. So I start to peel it off and then I say it hurts really bad so I end up not taking it off.
I know one day soon I may have to just yank it off...and maybe that is what I need to do...but it can hurt pretty bad.
I know I say this way too often. But I am sometimes shocked that this has happened. I know it has..and I have had plenty of time to get use to it. But I just never thought we would still be where we are now. I wish I could fix this for Philip. I am his mom and I want nothing more then to help take this from him and make everything okay. Instead I feel like we are rolling a dice. Okay not really..that is the 2 am talking.
Hey..Thanks for always being open to listen..even at 2 am..Just been a long weekend and I am tired.
Goodnight.

5 comments:

April said...

Amy~
Showering you with prayers today! Remember Philippians 4:6-7! God is there to comfort you and bring you peace about your decision...TRUST HIM! I know it's difficult because you second-guess yourself, which is perfectly normal, but I know that God had his hand in your decision.

Lisa said...

When I feel indecisive I always ask God to show me His will and if I have made the wrong decision...I ask Him to close the door. Once I have placed Him in control, I try not to worry. Easier said than done, but faith is what pleases Him and it will all work out for His glory and you will be satisfied and relieved with your result.

annie kelleher said...

hey amy - stopping by and checking in and sending you hugs and prayers... you're doing hte best you can with what you have to work with and thats all god ever expects us to do ... xoxox.... annie

Shannon said...

It's hard to know what to say. While I know how hard the "What if's" are to think about I don't know what it's like when it's your child. Thanks for being real with us about your thoughts and fears. You have a whole bunch of people on here loving and praying for you and Philip and your whole family.

Bethany said...

I've learned that you have peace of mind when things are right. Just ask Him. :)