As a mom you know it is never good when you get a knock on the bathroom door at 12:30 am and say Mom we need to talk..
Promise to not think harsh of me if I tell you a split second thought I had..I thought..I will stay in here and I will not have to hear what it is.
Now ..not that I did not want to know what was wrong..I just had one of these moments where what I did not know for a minute would not hurt or scare me for a minute..
But...as all us moms know..they will keep talking through the door..Right?..
So the issue is...what I feared..major side effects from the weening off the meds. Shaking, seizures, severe pain...This started in the middle of the night last night and is a problem once again tonight.
Makes me nervous. We do have 4 doses of a medication to stop a serious seizure. But this would only used as we called a ambulance. It can cause some serious side effects including breathing issues.
I never want to use it...but there is a sense of Thank Goodness we have it.
We had a schedule for the first part of the surgery early next week. Thought I had everything worked out with my chemo treatment and Scan...then found out there was a issue with someone being with Cole that day. Reality set in that day..It was not pretty...Chemo, PET scan and CT scan worries, Jim's job worries with a lay off and most important Philip's major first step of surgery..
And I could not figure out how to make it work. Hence the I part of that. God knows what the plan is...and he has a reason for it not working out for that day.
I have a call in to the DR office for Philip to get everything switched around. Then I will re schedule my chemo and scans. They are working with us.
And I am calming down.
I guess as a parent you just have to know when you have done all you can do...This is a lesson God is trying to teach me everyday.
The odd thing was...when I found all this out I was walking out the door to chemo and was trying to figure everything out...and it hit me..I am ONE person with too many things ..so something has to give. I ended up sitting on the couch crying for an hour and then saying...well it is what it is...I think that is what they call REALITY. And out the door I went to chemo and the day went on. Just the way they needed to.
And you know what...we are a family of 6 and we make it work. It may not be perfect or pretty...but we get it done. And really in the end..that is what counts.
So sometime hopefully next week we will have a plan for Philip's first stage of surgery.
Brain surgery #17...here we come..Spinal cord surgery #3 here we come.. We PRAY to have this the last of the operations.
Tomorrow is a new day and we are blessed to be able to be all together.