Yesterday was one of those days that I thought would never end. Little did I know.
I had appts all morning and then we started with Philip's appts.
We spent 3 hrs at the specialist yesterday. You may remember that yesterday we needed to go over his three MRI's. He reviewed them with me and show me each scan ...slide by slide.
The T spine showed a problem with the spinal cord from t3 thru t7...with not a clear picture..he called it a cut of where the issues was pushing any future higher of lower.
Philip's follow up today showed he has lost even more strength on the left side. And as a reminder he had the stroke on his right side and has lost use of that arm after 14 operations from the stroke. So the left side is so very important .
The Dr decided that he needed to call the neurosurgeon and said he would get back to me. He then asked me what was going on with me because he could see the bandages on my neck. After we talked he said how important the chest area was and scared me a little..lol
Tonight at 8:30 my home phone rings. We almost did not answer it...
It was the Dr telling me he had just talked with the neurosurgeon and that Philip had to be at Arnold Plamer ER at 9 AM.
I reminded him of my operation and he said...Oh damn..this is a mess. My thoughts too.
It was decided that my surgery can not wait...it was also decided that Philip's medical issue is worse and moved into the leg and he can not wait. The Dr said he was sorry and he knew this was complicated.
That minute I felt defeated. I have done all these appts ..I have been with Philip since his first brain operation at 6 weeks old. And today I can not be. I so need to be with him and the Dr today. This is a major medical issue and I am very concerned and anxious.
It was decided that My FIL would take Philip. They just left to get there in time. I asked my FIl to please explain to the Neurosurgeon that I am going into a major operation today. And that if he needs brain /spine surgery to please know that I NEED to be with him. And if it can wait to please wait. But if it can not...well..do what needs to be done. I so pray it can wait. And I also know that my recovery is harsh...I am not sure how long they can wait. Is this making sense?
I am going to explain to them at the hospital I need my cell phone with me until I roll into the OR. I so hope that the neurosurgeon can call me before I go into the OR.
Yes my DH can talk to him. But I NEED to talk to him. 15 brain operations, strokes and spine issues...27 orthopedic operations..I NEED to talk to him.
The minute that phone call happened last night...I have felt defeated. Well not defeated but sad and disappointed. Philip's medical issues and health are my life mission. I NEED to know what is going on, why and when.
I am a mess....Philip has left to go to the hospital to make major decisions . I can not be there. Jim has to be in the waiting room to talk with the DR.
And I just want to say..STOP..My baby needs me. Okay he is not a baby..but he is my baby.
This just seems like too much...can I say why why why...why did this not work out different.
I am so anxious that I will not know what is happening with Philip before I go in the OR.
Emily just woke up for school and is having a hard time about my operation today. She is scared and sad. BTW the kids only know the neck issues. We have not shared about the other issues coming up. No need to scare them right now. This is hard enough on all of them.
I know I just dumped this on all of you. But to be honest...I needed to do that. And I know many if not all want to know what I need. I need you all to pray for Philip and the outcome for him today. And pray for Jim...I so hate that he is having all this on him today.