Wednesday, December 10, 2008

A Late Night Phone Call

Yesterday was one of those days that I thought would never end. Little did I know.
I had appts all morning and then we started with Philip's appts.
We spent 3 hrs at the specialist yesterday. You may remember that yesterday we needed to go over his three MRI's. He reviewed them with me and show me each scan ...slide by slide.

The T spine showed a problem with the spinal cord from t3 thru t7...with not a clear picture..he called it a cut of where the issues was pushing any future higher of lower.

Philip's follow up today showed he has lost even more strength on the left side. And as a reminder he had the stroke on his right side and has lost use of that arm after 14 operations from the stroke. So the left side is so very important .

The Dr decided that he needed to call the neurosurgeon and said he would get back to me. He then asked me what was going on with me because he could see the bandages on my neck. After we talked he said how important the chest area was and scared me a

Tonight at 8:30 my home phone rings. We almost did not answer it...
It was the Dr telling me he had just talked with the neurosurgeon and that Philip had to be at Arnold Plamer ER at 9 AM.

I reminded him of my operation and he said...Oh damn..this is a mess. My thoughts too.

It was decided that my surgery can not was also decided that Philip's medical issue is worse and moved into the leg and he can not wait. The Dr said he was sorry and he knew this was complicated.

That minute I felt defeated. I have done all these appts ..I have been with Philip since his first brain operation at 6 weeks old. And today I can not be. I so need to be with him and the Dr today. This is a major medical issue and I am very concerned and anxious.

It was decided that My FIL would take Philip. They just left to get there in time. I asked my FIl to please explain to the Neurosurgeon that I am going into a major operation today. And that if he needs brain /spine surgery to please know that I NEED to be with him. And if it can wait to please wait. But if it can what needs to be done. I so pray it can wait. And I also know that my recovery is harsh...I am not sure how long they can wait. Is this making sense?

I am going to explain to them at the hospital I need my cell phone with me until I roll into the OR. I so hope that the neurosurgeon can call me before I go into the OR.

Yes my DH can talk to him. But I NEED to talk to him. 15 brain operations, strokes and spine issues...27 orthopedic operations..I NEED to talk to him.

The minute that phone call happened last night...I have felt defeated. Well not defeated but sad and disappointed. Philip's medical issues and health are my life mission. I NEED to know what is going on, why and when.

I am a mess....Philip has left to go to the hospital to make major decisions . I can not be there. Jim has to be in the waiting room to talk with the DR.
And I just want to say..STOP..My baby needs me. Okay he is not a baby..but he is my baby.

This just seems like too much...can I say why why why...why did this not work out different.

I am so anxious that I will not know what is happening with Philip before I go in the OR.

Emily just woke up for school and is having a hard time about my operation today. She is scared and sad. BTW the kids only know the neck issues. We have not shared about the other issues coming up. No need to scare them right now. This is hard enough on all of them.

I know I just dumped this on all of you. But to be honest...I needed to do that. And I know many if not all want to know what I need. I need you all to pray for Philip and the outcome for him today. And pray for Jim...I so hate that he is having all this on him today.


Kimorexia said...

Still praying, Amy... still praying.

Stacy C. said...

I'm still praying for you! God has a plan we just don't know all of it yet!

I can't believe you used to live in Spartanburg!

Kelly said...

When it rains, it pours... but HE will calm your storm! Praying for both of you today!!

Charmaine said...

Amy, God wants you to trust him, to give him Phillip and expect a miracle. I am holding both you and Phillip up to God and believe that his will will be done.

Davisix said...

Praying Amy. So cliche...but hang in there, stay strong, and remember your faith. You've got support here. Love you! Ang

JANE said...

Always praying for you and Phillips Amy and I so with there was something more I could do. I'm putting your family on our prayer list at church!

He And Me + 3 said...

You so can as Why...I am praying for Philip and you right now and will continue during the day. I am anxious with you. My heart breaks that you cannot be with your baby. He is God's too, so let his Heavenly Father take care when you can't. Know that we are all praying for you both today.

Heather said...

Amy, my friend,
God tells us, "I'll never give you more than you can bear". I'm sure you feel like that counsel is being pushed to it's limits today. I know that you are feeling defeated, but you need to concentrate on your own health issues in order to be there for Phillip after your surgery. You have a fantastic support group with your DH and FIL that will do all they can for him. All mothers know that where they want to be during their child's surgery is at their bedside. Know what? When Kai had his first open heart surgery at 3 weeks old, I had to leave California and fly back to Utah the week before to be with my girls. It was the most helpless feeling in the world, but I had to do what must be done. Brian was by his bedside, and that gave me so much peace. You CAN make it through this huge ordeal and then be there for Phillip. Please know that there are so many people here who love you and will be praying continuously throughout the next few days for all of you.
You are truly a choice daughter of God.

bluesuede said...

Amy, you can call me any time -- day or night. I'm here for you always.

I don't know why things turn out the way they do. I have told you before that you remind me of myself -- we like to be in control of the situation. There comes a time that we have to depend on the one we believe in and let Him take over. He is in control of this situation and He will get all of you through it.

You and your entire family are constantly in my thoughts and prayers.

Amy Dungan (Sparky's Girl) said...

I'm so sorry this worked out this way. We will be praying. ((HUGS))

Hope said...

What a mess. I wish I lived closer, I'd help you. ((Hugs))! I know you're scared on many levels. Please know I'm praying.

Lisa said...

Always praying for you... Stay strong!!


Keli said...

Amy, I'm so very sorry this is all happening like this. Just keep holding on to FAITH and pray. God IS with you and He knows what you are going through. I'm praying too and so are so many others. XO Keli

forever folding laundry said...

I am praying as well, and will continue to do so.


Sassy Cass said...

Girl, you and your entire family are in my prayers. You are dealing with way more than I can even imagine. Hugs!

Sweeteater/LCF said...

Amy, I've been out of the loop here lately and have missed hearing about your medical problems. I will say a prayer for you and yours. Hang in there! You're a strong, determined woman and I enjoy reading your blogs.

Adventure girl wanna be said...

OMW! Of course you are in my prayers! I will be waiting to hear the outcome!

Lisa said...

Just wanted to let you know that I was thinking about you today. Hoping all is well.

eske said...

Amy, still praying, praying, praying. Can't wait until you can laugh again without pain.

Kelly Deneen said...

I will continue to keep your family in my thoughts. *big hugs*