I had decided this week that I have a few ways to handle this "battle". I really want to put this on my blog so I can come back one day and think...remember when you were trying to figure it all out...Look at you now Amy .If you will please take a minute and read my thoughts...
I can put on a front and say a token answer to the How are you doing questions..I mean who wants to hear all my emotional up's and down's?
My dear sweet friend MomtoEli asked me the other morning...how are you? I said do you want the token answer...or the real answer? She said ..always the real answer. Just hearing her say that .. the tears started and we talked. The odd thing was..after I had cried and vented to her..I felt stronger and I felt refreshed.
Another way to handle this is...
I can fall apart and feel like I just can not do this. I can moan and groan and feel picked on. The why me..why Philip...the why why why...let me share a little something with ya'll. I do not think why me..I guess I think why not me. ya know..we all know bad things happen. They happen to good, bad and all people. They happen to new born babies and free spirited kids. So who in the world would I be to say why me? I will admit that I have felt that way with my son's medical issues. I hate that he has had to struggle so much. But one thing I was reminded of along the way...I love MY son Philip. On the days I wonder what things would be like without the medical issues..I have to remind myself...he would not be who he is today. And ladies he is perfect. So while I would love nothing more to have him whole, healthy and not have these issues. I have been blessed with who he is today and everyday for the last 18 years. So for his issues I will need to work a little harder on the Why my son days. I will need to come back here and remind myself of what I just shared.
I think the answer is somewhere in the middle. I will just be me...and ladies that may not be a pretty thing. Lately I am not even sure who I am. I am going to use my blog as a safe place for how I am feeling and what I can do to be as healthy emotionally and physically as possible.
I guess I felt the need to share that because things may be rocky for a while. I am a people pleaser to a fault. I think if I did not put this out here I would find myself wanting to put on here what I THINK everyone wants to read. And knowing many of you and learning to know the new friends on here...I think you all want me to just be me...The good the ugly and the blessed days of this battle.
So...I guess the above is my warning on pain meds post...
If you will all stick beside me through this I promise to share ALL of this journey with all of you...just be careful what you ask for..cause things could get rocky fast.
I will never forget the support I have here. I know these may just sound like words..but some days the words you all share with me..remind me...I am not alone and we will just get through this together. Can I get a Amen?