Friday, December 19, 2008

Token Vs Real...which way to go

I had decided this week that I have a few ways to handle this "battle". I really want to put this on my blog so I can come back one day and think...remember when you were trying to figure it all out...Look at you now Amy .If you will please take a minute and read my thoughts...

I can put on a front and say a token answer to the How are you doing questions..I mean who wants to hear all my emotional up's and down's?
My dear sweet friend MomtoEli asked me the other morning...how are you? I said do you want the token answer...or the real answer? She said ..always the real answer. Just hearing her say that .. the tears started and we talked. The odd thing was..after I had cried and vented to her..I felt stronger and I felt refreshed.
Another way to handle this is...
I can fall apart and feel like I just can not do this. I can moan and groan and feel picked on. The why me..why Philip...the why why why...let me share a little something with ya'll. I do not think why me..I guess I think why not me. ya know..we all know bad things happen. They happen to good, bad and all people. They happen to new born babies and free spirited kids. So who in the world would I be to say why me? I will admit that I have felt that way with my son's medical issues. I hate that he has had to struggle so much. But one thing I was reminded of along the way...I love MY son Philip. On the days I wonder what things would be like without the medical issues..I have to remind myself...he would not be who he is today. And ladies he is perfect. So while I would love nothing more to have him whole, healthy and not have these issues. I have been blessed with who he is today and everyday for the last 18 years. So for his issues I will need to work a little harder on the Why my son days. I will need to come back here and remind myself of what I just shared.
I think the answer is somewhere in the middle. I will just be me...and ladies that may not be a pretty thing. Lately I am not even sure who I am. I am going to use my blog as a safe place for how I am feeling and what I can do to be as healthy emotionally and physically as possible.
I guess I felt the need to share that because things may be rocky for a while. I am a people pleaser to a fault. I think if I did not put this out here I would find myself wanting to put on here what I THINK everyone wants to read. And knowing many of you and learning to know the new friends on here...I think you all want me to just be me...The good the ugly and the blessed days of this battle.
So...I guess the above is my warning on pain meds post...
If you will all stick beside me through this I promise to share ALL of this journey with all of you...just be careful what you ask for..cause things could get rocky fast.
I will never forget the support I have here. I know these may just sound like words..but some days the words you all share with me..remind me...I am not alone and we will just get through this together. Can I get a Amen?

18 comments:

Mamarazzi said...

it is truly a blessing to find friends who will listen, who want the real answer when they ask how life is going for you. thank you for sharing this, these beautiful thoughts.

i am coming by way of SITS i am grabbing your button about your son. i will keep your family in my prayers.

Grace said...

If you will all stick beside me through this I promise to share ALL of this journey with all of you...just be careful what you ask for..cause things could get rocky fast.
I will never forget the support I have here. I know these may just sound like words..but some days the words you all share with me..remind me...I am not alone and we will just get through this together. Can I get a Amen?

AMEN
There is, nor ever was, a question about sticking beside you my sweet friend. You're right.. be careful what we ask for... but I don't believe I've ever regretted what I've asked for in our friendship... and by gosh... I'm not about ready to start now! Bring it on Amy... let us help share your journey.

AMEN

Davisix said...

Yes, Amy....just be YOU! That's what we want. And we are here for you. I care about what you say and what you are feeling. You are on my mind and heart all the time. So, give it to us, as you feel it. We're waiting with open arms. With love my friend, Ang

angi_b72 said...

We are here for you !!! I will grab your son's buitton as well! You are in my prayers!

Amy Fichtner said...

You are deinitley not alone!! Just remember your bloggy friends!! One thing you said is that when you cried, you actually felt a little better and I will second that. I ALWAYS feel better after I sat down and had a good cry. Oh, Yea, So you definitley can have an AMEN!!

Charmaine said...

You truly are an amazing woman, bring on the truth, we can handle it. The truth sets you free and a friend is someone that can bare the truth from a friend. I am here through the good, the bad and the ugly.

Joanne said...

I came by way of SITS. I have grabbed your blog button and I am now a follower. Thank you for reminding me that life is about the little things. I cried my eyes out reading about Philip's first popsicle. I will keep you and family in my prayers.

Susie said...

The wonderful thing about blogs is you can say how you are feeling, really feeling, and we are all here to help you up. When my husband was going through the worst of his cancer treatments and people would ask how we were, my answer was always, "We are hanging in there". There were good days and bad days (a lot of bad days), but we knew we had each other and we had our friends and family who were there for us and would understand. Cancer is a tough journey and having to censor your emotions is just not the way to go.

Denise said...

I don't know you, never heard of you before this morning, but my heart aches for you and the turmoil you are dealing with.

You are not alone. Even if none of us are here God is there holding you every step of the way. The rest of your support team is icing on the cake.

I am praying that you find peace and comfort and also what seems impossible but isn't through God, that you find joy. God bless you.

eske said...

AMEN!

Jennifer said...

You definitely are a SISTA and I am glad I am getting to know you. I too struggle when people ask "how are you". Most really do not want to know. SO, I am pleased you will be sharing wit us how you really are doing. The good, the bad, the ugly. God has given you to us. Let us help, even if it is to listen and to offer up prayers.

He And Me + 3 said...

Please...share your heart all the time. Feeling, good or bad. We need to know so that we can encourage, cry, cheer, laugh, or just pray with and for you. Thanks for being just you and being so honest all the time.
Mimi

Shannon said...

Amy, I love how you keep it real. Please just keep being you and sharing your highs and lows and everything in between. Praying for you!

Oh yeah, AMEN!!! :)

The White House said...

Dear Amy, saw that you entered my giveaway for a blog makeover.

And then I came by your blog, and was so touched by your honesty and overwhelming situation. I also went by Philip's caring bridge site... I feel deeply moved to pray for you and your family. I am asking in faith that the Lord would move mountains and obstacles that are new and growing, and the ones that have stood in your path for years. I am praying for incredible miracles.

Michelle said...

Oh amen! Amen! I firmly believe that if we hold the bad in, it will eat at us inside and some of that will keep us from ever truly being healthy. Use the blog, use your friends, and you'll somehow find a way through. Always the real....

The Muse said...

oh yes I can give you and AMEN!

misty said...

Amen...Amy, that is one of the qualities in you that led me to reach out to you in the first place.The fact that you are you. That may not make sense, but I hope you get it, lol.I like that, you know I always want my friends to tell me the real deal. I wouldn't have it any other way. I am here for you, and I'm not about to go anywhere!

*Keli* said...

Yep, we want nothing more than for you to be REAL! We are here for you! You have my email address - email anytime, day or night if you need some extra chat time. : ) God will get you through this! And we'll all be here praying! Love ya Keli