Random Thoughts

Skinny Dip? Help Philip and Spoil yourself...http://ourdailyblessinglife-amyb.blogspot.com/2010/04/why-skinny-dip.html

Lately I seem to have a lot of RANDOM thoughts pop in my mind. Sometimes they pop in as fast and they are gone.  other time they make me lay awake at night and think about them....and sometimes they make me wanna start drinking. Ha


A few things that I thought about this week.


I have been trying to figure out what I am suppose to be doing. I really have no idea.  Some days I feel like I am doing okay or even pretty good.  And then in a flash I feel like things are falling apart. I never thought things would be so complicated and UNSETTLED in our lives. But that thought makes me feel a few things.  Guilty because I KNOW how very blessed we are in so many ways. There are so many parents who would give anything to have their babies home with them like we do Philip. And yet I hurt over how things have turned out. I had so many dreams and hopes for Philip.  I think back to the first time I saw his little heart beating..It was a dream come true. When he was born I feel in love . I am so very happy we did not know he was sick for the first 2 weeks. And I guess I am glad we did not know when this all started that he would still be so sick and hurting this many years later. Somehow when you are just thrown into the situation time after time...you just do it.  But if we had known..we would of dreaded it and never had the hope that we did.  Then again..when you have hope and it is crushed time and time again..that hurts.  Maybe it is like a band aide. You know it needs to come off...does it hurt more to do a little at a time or one big rip it off...See these are some of my random thoughts..The truth is..does it matter anymore? It is what it is.  And thank goodness God makes those decisions..cause I can not seem to pick out what shirt to wear most days.


It just seems like the little things sting the most.  Simple things.  Today my neighbor mention graduation in a few weeks.  She said how sad she was that his high school days were over.  All I could think is...I am so sad that Philip is not getting a education right now. 


Please know I so NOT always dwell on the what we are not doing or how hard things are...Just my random thoughts of the day.


I just so need to feel like I am doing something right with Philip.  Something to help him.  That we are moving forward. Maybe if he would let me rock him ..I am joking...sorta..No I am..but I bet many of you mommies know what I am feeling.


So how about this Random thought stuff..could be sorta good.  Like free therapy .


Thank everyone who still comes and reads my blog..even when it is a downer.  I feel your support and some days..It is what keeps me going.  That and praying.

 

Small Philip Update

Would you like to help Philip while spoiling yourself? Skinny Dip...

I found this picture of me and Philip at the hospital.I have to admit I miss being able to feel like I could help him..Heck I want to rock him still..LOL

I wanted to thank each of you for the amazing support this week.  As always I felt very loved and supported while I waited for the Dr to complete his surgery. What a wonderful feeling.

Philip has two more surgeries in the next few weeks.  This is a very hard time for him.  

We finally and took the step of getting him a hospital bed.  He has been failing pretty often and with the bed he can prop up better and is more comfortable.  So while I hate the idea of the hospital bed...We are very thankful that he has it.


I would love to see what everyone has planned for the weekend.  Anything special?

I will have a quite weekend.  My treatment has just kicked my butt.  I am so glad tomorrow is Jim's Friday off.

I am so blessed by each of you who come here and read daily,it means more then you know.

Wordless Wednesday..

Wanna Help Philip and spoil yourself?...Skinny Dip 


Some first year pictures...brings back a flood of happy and sad memories...We never forget just how  blessed we are DAILY...

Surgery Day

Want to help support Philip and Spoil Yourself?

Philip is back in surgery.  If you would pray for all who are involved with his care.

I am doing what I seem to do a lot...Wait and Pray and Hold on to faith ALWAYS. 

This is part one of three operations in a short amount of time.

If you would ask your readers to keep Philip in their good thoughts...It would mean a lot.

So Very Blessed

Happy Birthday Philip.  You have no idea how much I love you .  I am so very proud to be your mother. 

 I would have chosen you

If before you were born, I could have gone to Heaven and saw all the beautiful souls, I still would have chosen you.

If God had told me, "this soul will one day need extra care and needs", I still would have chosen you...

If He had told me, "that one day this soul may make my heart bleed", I still would have chosen you...

If He had told me, "this soul would make me question the depth of my faith", I still would have chosen you...

If He had told me, "this soul would make tears flow from my eyes that would overflow a river", I still would have chosen you...

If He had told me, "our time spent together here on earth could be short", I still would have chosen you...

If He had told me, "this soul may one day make me witness overbearing suffering", I still would have chosen you...

If He had told me, "all that you know to be normal would drastically change", I still would have chosen you...

Of course, even though I would have chosen you, I know it was God who chose me for you...

Author Unknown

Wordless Wednesday

Wordless Wednesday...

 May 27-Oct 7, 2009
My beautiful nephew Jackson. Aunt Amy misses and thinks about you everyday.

Why Skinny Dip?

Why Skinny Dip? Well Why Not? Not only is it a amazing product but for each item sold...I can help pay a medical bill for Philip

Amyb1569@cfl.rr.com

CUSTOMS LABELS CAN BE MADE..SKINNY DIP FOR........

I am a SAHM of 4 wonderful children. While fight cancer myself and trying to find a medical cure for my son Philip who just had his 19th brain operation and a stroke...I knew I needed to find a way to help. 
So here it is Skinny Dip...

I am working on my web page but jumped at the chance to be apart of the SITS giveaway. So here is the basic info..feel free to contact me if you are interested before my site is up and running.


Skinny Dip is not you Normal candle.  It is amazing .  

$13 each plus shipping ..Info on bottom of page

Skinny Dip Candles are easy and fun to use. And rest assured, they will not burn you! Because of the ingredients in Skinny Dip Candles, they have a very low melt point. When fully melted they're just 102 degrees -- not even as warm as a hot tub.

Ingredients include: cosmetic-grade soy, avocado oil, coconut oil, shea butter, beeswax, sunflower oil, cocoa butter, vitamin E, and scented oils for aroma. The ingredients are not only natural, but they are extremely rich and moisturizing. A little bit will go a very long way, so please use sparingly. When you use the right amount, the melted oils will soak into your skin completely within just a few minutes.

To use your Skinny Dip Candle, simply light it and let a melt pool form.  Extinguish the flame! (As you know, the flame itself is always hot so please blow it out before using.) You can dip your fingers directly into the melted oils, or you can use the little scoop that is included inside of each tin to dip a small amount out to use. 

Use the warmed lotion on your cuticles, elbows, heels, or other dry skin areas on the body.  You can also pour the melted oils out of the tin and use the Skinny Dip Candle for massage. 

Skinny Dip Candles were formulated with the input from professional massage therapists and are used in professional practices across the U.S. Skinny Dip Candles are a fabulous alternative to traditional massage oils.

Regardless of how and where you choose to use the Skinny Dip Candle, only use the amount you need.  Any unused ingredients will set up again in candle form, ready for your next use. For best results, always trim the wick to 1/4" prior to each use. 

If any ingredients are not melted when you use the candle, you will start to see a well form down the middle of the candle. You can push this unmelted portion back in toward the wick so it will melt the next time you use the candle.

You can also use the Skinny Dip Candle without melting it. When "set" like a candle, use the scoop or the back of a fingernail to remove some unmelted mixture. Then simply use it as you would a body balm. It will melt very easily as you begin to massage it into your skin. This is a very quick and convenient way to experience skin moisturizing benefits when lighting the candle simply isn't possible or practical.

 Pamper Packs $20 plus shipping info on bottom of page

Full-size Skinny Dip Candle, single bath size
Skinny Dip Bath Salts, & full-size lip balm.
All packaged in an organza bag.

Shipping info...

Flat Fee U. S. Shipping

I generally ship my orders by U.S. Postal Service Priority Mail. Because this saves time and expense when shipping multiple products in the same order, I pass those savings on to you. Shipping is definitely most cost effective on a per unit basis when multiple candles are ordered at the same time.  Following are fees for shipping within the United States based on the total dollar amount of an order. 

 Up to $49.99  $8.00 

 $50.00 - $99.99  $14.00

  $99.99 - $189.99  $17.00

  $100.00 - $314.99  $23.00

  $315.00 +  $29.00

 

Scents I have in stock and ready to mail Today..

Sex on the beach..5

So sexy for him..3

Eucalyptus Mint...2

Redwood Cedar...On back order

Cranberry Citruis...On back order

Feeling Flirty ..6

Seduction...6

Pink Sugar...5

Spring Lilac...6

Lavender...6

Cucumber Melon...7

Black Raspberry Vanilla...6

Honey Almond...3

Coconut Lime...3

Angel Food Cake..3

Ambrosia 4

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pamper Packs...

Cucumber melon/melon..6

ambrosia/..6

lavender./mint.3

Sex on the beach/melon..3

Coconut/ coconut..6

 

Philip update ..Monday

I have a call put into the specialist. Today things have just hit a place that makes me want to do something..anything.  I am tired today...in many ways.  I so need something to change with how Philip is doing right now.

He is in tears all the time...and it is getting worse instead of better. 

I think the hardest thing for me is...learning to separate the emotional and the what we need to do emotions.  I wonder if some of you moms and dads out there get what that means.  I feel like I am torn in half some days..many days. I need to be here emotionally..and yet I need to do the medical stuff...It is hard to find a balance.  I am going to need to work on that because I feel hurt and disappointed ...and yet so very blessed.

I guess I just wish someone could fix this or tell me how to fix it.  I mean I feel like I need to scream to the top of my lungs He is my son..help him...but instead I just pray and talk to God...all day everyday.

I know there is a reason.  I trust in that.  But I am one very tired and worn out women tonight...and well..I wish things were different.
Philip is due to have scans soon.  We need to check the size of the brain mass.  Also my sweet friend who lost her DH to cancer last year asked me where the mass is..Here is the info and a pic .  Also his CB page  button with full story is on side bar..The mass is in the deepest area of the brain.  It is embedded in the main vessels that run to the brain stem.  This is what makes it so hard to get to AGAIN.  He had his stroke when they went the first time and the second had to pull back ...it was what the DR called a miracle procedure and the risk was too dangerous that day..Hope this info helped explain ..I know it is complicated..It is for me also.
I guess my question is..if this is a test...what do we need to do to pass it.  What is the lesson..and why my beautiful son?

I will update when we hear from the DR about what we are going to do...Please pray we get some answers ..Philip needs some help.

Also Philip's birthday is in a few days...please pray we can make it a special day.. 

Philip medical update..

  (This pic is a MRI scan of Philip's brain.  The dark area on the scan is the mass..The white stick looking object is a piece of old shunt tube that they can not get out due to massive blood vessels..The last time they went in..he had the stroke..)

 

Philip's surgery has been set for April 20th.  The day after his birthday.  I am glad he will have his birthday first.  It seems that for years and years..Philip has either been in the hospital or had surgery for every holiday and his birthday.  I have family pics from holidays and he is in some type of cast or drain or tubes.  So we are thinking this is a sign from above..better things to come..yes?

Medically things are NOT stable.  They seem to be getting worse.  And to be blunt every time we try to take a step forward we seem to take a giant leap backwards.  I did express this to the DR last week.  He was very kind but honest...we are not curing anything right now..we are trying to put a band aide on a problem..until something better comes along.  We did have a long talk about some future stem cell studies.  On the way home from the appt I asked Philip what he thought about that idea...and he said..he feels it is easier to not expect it and that way he is not disappointed.  I so wanted to argue the point with him...but I did not.  He is entitled to feel how he wants to feel. 

Philip's right hand has no use..and his left hand and left leg  is losing the strength and is always in severe burning nerve pain.  I think this is why he has been dropping things and also falling more..They have increased the pump meds twice in 10 days..sigh..

I have been thinking about his future and looking into some options.  We had been looking at a bamboo board..does anyone have any info about these or how they worked for you or your child...One thing I know is important is his ability to go online and listen to music and such.  The Dr mentioned that if we can not get control of this issue he may need to move to some touch screen items.  I had thought of trying to surprise him with a Ipad for his birthday.  It would make a great gift..and well he could use it ...with his medical issues..and not feel like he was "uncool".  We will be holding off on the ipad now that he is having the trio of operations..but who knows..maybe one day..

Speaking of the surgies...The first one will be difficult.  It involves his spine . and the nerves...and that in itslef makes me uneasy.  We then will move on to the next stage..but going to focus on one thing at a time..

One problem that has clearly shown up is..Philip has a serious problem with his hip..This is due to the leg length problem and it has taken a toll.  The fix to that would be painful and complicated..It also is not something that is a one time fix.  The Dr are spending some time in consult about this..because due to the machines Philip has in his body..he is at a big risk for infection and rejection. We are holding onto faith that the Dr will know what is the best choice.

The seizures and the sleeping and headaches are coming from the mass in the brain..damn mass..It has cause us more problems then I can even explain..That was what started the whole brain operations and stroke..and to think here we are working towards brain operation 20 and it came back..My goodness..yep I hate it...and I hate that some days I feel like it has stolen my son's quality of life and happiness.  It seems to control everything..

If anyone has any great and wonderful Birthday ideas...pass them on.  I will be having a hard treatment right before..so we will not be going anywhere as a family. But we WILL be together as a family..Thank you God.

Jumper...

I wanted to share a wonderful story of Love.  And as we all know where there is Love there is Heartbreak.  Our family has had a very hard week. 

Almost 11 years ago I talked Jimmy into going to "just see" some Greyhounds.  We were NOT going to get one.  And one day when we did I wanted it to be a Blondie..Girl ...and no older then two years old.

As we visited the Greyhounds there was a Boy...Black..six year old male.  He stood next to Emily who was just a baby and she grabbed at him and petted him...and well they fell in love.

A week later Jumper joined our family and filled our hearts with love.  Jumper had been rescued from the track and then was returned from a abusive home.  When we took Jumper in he just seem to smile.  In fact sometimes you would love at him and you would swear he was smiling.  He was amazing with Philip. For those of you who do not know Philip has had 19 brain operations and a stroke.  Jumper was a wonderful friend while Philip was recovering from each of his operations. The biggest issue we had with Jumper was him wanting to lick Philips boo boo's away.

Year after year we were amazed that we still had Jumper.  We then decided we would just go "look" again when they had greyhound day..that is where we found our brindle greyhound..name Rasta.

Every morning I would say..how ya feeling old man?  And I would get a smile. A few years ago Jumper broke his tail.  We have no idea how.  But a amazing vet who works with the Greyhounds at the track said..let me try to save it.  Jumper had two major operations and a short little tail.  He was one tough old man..lol

As most of you know..things have been rough for the past year...everyday Jumper was here.  Every time I would be away dealing with Medical..Jim would laugh because I would always ask about the kids and how is Jumper.

Tuesday Morning Jumper had a stroke.  He was trying to get up and I was helping him..He went limp in my arms. I laid him down to rest and stayed up all night laying with him .  I talked and he listened.  He licked peanut butter and I whispered important things in his ear.

Wednesday I called the track manger and through my tears I told him what had happened and that even with time Jumper was getting worse.  Dennis offered to come help Jim with a stretcher to get Jumper to the Vet.  I told Dennis how scared of the van Jumper was...and he said the track vet was there.  He suggested we see if Dr. George could come to the house. Next thing I know ...The track vet was on his way to see Jumper at our house.  The same very who taken care of Jumper on the track as he ran for victory.  the same vet who never gave up on him even when his tail did not heal and had to go back into surgery.  Dr.  George...gave Jumper is freedom.  Yesterday the kids told their best buddy goodbye...we sent Rasta outside . Jimmy and I held Jumper..I whispered for him to be happy and never forget how much we loved him. Our hearts are broken..and our house is so quite without our sweet friend.
Jimmy and I drove an hour late last night to take Jumper to a lady who does cremations.  And tonight we drove back and have him home.
We promised Jumper the day we adopted him we would take good care of him and never leave him..and we have till the end.

I can not begin to tell you how much it meant to me that the same man who gave us Jumper so many years ago was willing to help Jumper in the end.  I told Dennis ..it was as if it was his last gift to helping Jumper.  Dennis told me that he and Dr George talked and they both said they had never known a Boy Grey to live 18 years...

When we got home last night after leaving Jumper..I had the sweetest email waiting..

Hi Amy,

        I had an opportunity to talk to Dr George today and he said that he was heading to your house.   I am so sorry to hear about Jumper but feel you should have no regrets.   He had a wonderfully long life and it may be a blessing that he went down hill fast so there was not a lingering aliment!

        He is in a better place now and I feel that we will see them all again in the next life and that will surely be "Heaven".

         Our thoughts and prayers are with you and Jumper!

Dennis

So tonight we have our friend back home.  The tears have been non stop.  I feel like I have lost my best friend..somehow he always seemed to care how we were..what we were doing and hopeful we would drop some food.

Please keep the kids in your prayers...there is a lot of hurt in our house right now with Philips medical.  And they are just heartbroken.