Here We Go Again..

I come in the room to Emily sobbing.  I look at her and say what in the world is wrong...Then I see IT. Yep she is reading Dear John.  She cried for a hour. 

I love that she is emotional and sweet.  But we gotta pick her some Happy Go Lucky Books.

My sweet girl with a big heart...

I went there..

So today something happened...I went there...

I let my mind go to the place I try to not let it go...

Let me explain..sometimes  it hits me...I have cancer.  I am sick.  My whole life has changed .  I get scared.  I get tired .  And I am overwhelmed. When these thoughts pop in my head I never let myself dwell on it for long..because it gets me no place good...

Today my thoughts went there and have been there all day.  What if's...How the heck did this happen.  What are we going to do ?  And how can we take care of Philip's medical and mine also?

Today has been a little bit of a lesson..Do not go there. 

I am praying..I am taking it one appt at a time..everyday.

Speaking of test...Last week I had three and tomorrow I have a big one.  Please pray for good clear results.  I hate waiting and not knowing.  I know they will be what they are..but I want to know..oh and I want them to be GREAT results.  I hope I can post that news sometime this week..

I know this is not a mistake.  God does not make mistakes.  But I just can not figure out the what, how and when of this thing we call LIFE.

I know we are blessed.  I am here.  Philip is here.  And I have reminded myself that it could be so much worse.  But maybe it is okay for me to allow myself tonight to admit..it is hard..and it is okay to feel how I felt today.  Just can not dwell on it.

So tonight as I get ready for bed.  I am thankful for today and praying for tomorrow.

Some thoughts outloud

Have you ever just seen something or someone and can not get it off your mind?

I had a Dr appt today...yes on a Sat...I swear I am 100% convienced Cancer could care less about the idea of weekends or holidays.

I went to the pharmacy so I would be done for the day and could come home to rest.

As I am standing there..I see a young girl.  She did not look too much older then Emily.  She looked nervous and scared.  I looked at her and saw she had a box of pregnancy test.  I am not sure why...but it has really upset me.  I think the look in her young eyes was...pure fear.  and I am a grown adult mother feeling fearful for her.

There was just something about her that has made me sad today.  I found myself thinking about her alot today.  I so hope her test is negative.  Yet unless she makes some serious life changes...it will only be a matter of time until it is positive. 

I guess I find myself worrying everyday if I am doing or giving my kids the best I can...I want more for this young girl and certainly would not want her to be responible for raising and molding a baby.

I know it happens..everyday.  But for some odd reason I can not stop thinking of this young girl.  So pretty...so sad looking and so scared. 


I am going to pray for this young girl...will you? 

Wanna join? Hurry...

  Hurry to join this awesome swap


I'm  so excited to get to Participate in Dandelion Wishes Favorite Things Swap again this year! Wanna join me! Make sure you hurry ...it fills up fast. I can't wait to see who my partner is!Maybe it will be YOU.

The Question Is....

The Question is...Did The Cold Keep Cupid Away?

I hope not...

Wanna share with me about your Valentine's day ? What you did...What you ate...What you gave each other...

I woke up to a nice little bag with a pretty bead for my bracelet...I love it. It has been on my wish list...and now it will be on my bracelet...yah...

Mom...Who Do I Look Like?

I swear Cole can me laugh on my hardest days...

Last night he came out of the bathroom and said...

Hey mom who do I look like?

I said..well my precious boy..

He said duh mom...but who else?

I said..I am not sure..

He said Edward..

You know Edward...????? Bella's Edward..

Yep he knows Edward...Emily is 13 and his sister..lol

Notice the smile too...

So darn cute..

Face Says It All...

Yes....she is such a tender heated soul...

Last night Emily came out of her room crying so hard I could not understand what she was saying...

Finally she said...I just finished My Sister's Keeper...

She cried for hours....even though she had already seen it at the movies..
Love my tenderhearted girl...

Who Needs Some Sun?

Okay I know not all of you live in Florida where the sun shines all the time..Okay most of the time.

I would like to give a reader a little bit of SUN with a giveaway ....ready?

Have you ever heard of these bags? They change colors when you go out in the sun lite. They are really cool bags.

I would LOVE to give a reader one of these awesome bags.

Here is what you do to enter..

Simple...

Post to me about why you NEED this bag...are you snowed in? Miss the sun?

Go check out there web site so you can see the bags and how cool the are.

Tweet and/or blog about the giveaway and you are all set ...post and let me know..

Stay warm and good luck.

LOVE FAITH HOPE...GIVEAWAY

Some of my long time readers will remember this shirt. I have had a few giveaways of this shirt.

I also have sent a few of these shirts to some very special bloggers who were going through rough times..or just showed some awesome LOVE FAITH HOPE.

I think I need a dose of that right now...so will you join in on my giveaway for a LOVE FAITH HOPE shirt. I have a few in different colors and sizes..all with the same awesome message...

So who wants one?

Simple..post a comment ..share a simple message of LOVE FAITH HOPE. A story...a verse..a book..a song..be creative..

Post this on your blog for a second entry..

Post this on Twitter for a third entry...

Is anyone excited about maybe getting one of these?

Just sharing...From The Heart

Wanna know a little secret? When I post a bunch with pictures and little cute updates I "think" it is because I am having a hard time. I bet a few of you are saying..DUH ...we knew that...

I hate the idea that my blog depresses people...actually I hate that my life depresses people. I mean ...it is life..And in so many ways...our story is not depressing it is amazing..let me explain.

How many children do you know who have had 19 brain operations , a stroke...20 plus painful secondary operations and are still here to bless his family daily? I dare say there are many families who would call this a blessing...We do.

As for my cancer. I remind myself every single day that it was by the grace of God I felt the mass in my neck. It is by the Grace of God that I happen to have some routine blood work done that showed some abnormal labs. It is also such a blessing that when they did the scan on my neck they happen to see the nodules on my lungs...If the two masses has been in my stomach or someplace else..I would not of found them..and well..it could be a different outcome. So once again..a blessing.

Cole getting sick..yes that was scary and hard. It is something that happens. We are so very blessed he is doing so well. In fact he is just too cute for his own good..

And while these are blessings...and I am thankful. I have to say I feel like things are falling apart. I have been doing some thinking..

I have severe anxiety. I worry about things that make no difference. I believe in prayer. I trust God to take care of us. And yet I worry non stop. What does that mean? Does it mean I do not trust him enough? Does it mean I am crazy?

I feel overwhelmed with the littlest things...the act of making dinner seems like running a marathon. And while I know I have a "reason" it is still a issue. I want to feel in control. I make a plan to get in control..and then I am too worn down to follow through. In many ways the guilt of the changes here at home..are harder then being sick. I guess I feel like my life has so changed..and yet my role as a mom..and a wife...have not. Is there a balance?

I think Jim may lose his job. Everyday I find myself holding my breathe when I drive up from a appt worried his van will be here. And I mean really holding my breathe. I keep praying...and yet I keep worrying..Once again I have to ask..does that mean my faith is weak? I thought about not putting that on here..because in the past certain things I put here have gotten back to family. The funny thing about that is the very people reporting those things..are the same people who have not once picked up the phone or said I am sorry you are sick. I guess it is a tad funny to so pretend to be so caring and yet read here to get the details. ( okay that felt good..bad I know but true)

I thought about Fly Lady..to help me with the house. It makes sense...and I think it would help. Baby steps.

I am going to dive into the world of coupons to help with the money issues.

I am going to push selling my skinny dip products to help with the medical bills..

I am going to keep praying to help my heart..and my fears..

I am going to keep reminding myself we are blessed...and as long as we have each other...we will be okay..I hope my head and heart will listen..

My Mommy Is Older..

He is so darn cute..

Today he had his follow up with the pediatric endocrinologist for the diabetics concern.

He went in and sat down with his monitor in hand to show the DR his numbers.. He HATES his monitor..

Look close at his expression in the second picture..He is saying to the nurse..My mommy is older then you and she will tell you to not poke my finger. She explained how they needed to check his numbers and it would be over fast. He said as serious as can be..God gave me my blood and it is mine.

Unfortunately lost the battle but not without a good fight..

Some labs are still pending and he has a big test at the end of this week ...they should help clear up some of the concerns with his ongoing high sugar numbers..

I LOVE his Dr. He is so nice and so easy to talk to. He even let me ask things like..well what does your gut say? Do you think this is a issue...

And the funny thing is..when he told us we may need to go to GATORLAND for a trail study down the road. I explained to him ..about my deep deep VERY DEEP dislike for Orange and Blue ..and he said.."learn to love them"...Yuck. LOL

Thank you all who have been visiting and leaving messages.. I have to admit lately I have felt overwhelmed and a pretty down. It just makes my day when I see who have visited..

As always....God is Good to us every single day..we are so very blessed ..

Lesson Learned..Really..

Soooo.....I will admit something. You may or may not be shocked by this...if you have read for a while...you will not be shocked. LOL

So a few weeks ago I had a procedure scheduled. I am running late and get almost there and realize..I have no panties on. Okay..I know..no underwear .how tacky. Would it help if I said I was saving on having more laundry to do...yep that is my story.

So I start to think...what am I going to do. I look around my van ..like I think I may find some extra ones there. Ha. I then think..well maybe I can tell them I am NOT going to take my pants off...but then I think I have a metal button and they will make me.

Think Amy...Think..

I see a CVS....and I have a plan.

I go in and I am looking everywhere..and can not find any underwear .and I have no time to play the up and down each isle.. So I ask this handsome young man. who is m son's friend...do you sell socks. Yes I wimped out and said socks..I can not say hey ..ya sell underwear.. He tells me where the "socks" are and I go walking fast to get me a pack.

I stand there and look at the underwear. I decide to get a smaller size cause I mean who wants to get a BIG size when the young handsome man checking you out is your son's friend...

I get up there and put them down. He says as serious as can be...wow these are strange looking socks.

So just to recap. I asked for socks but bought underwear way too small for me ...because the young handsome man knows my son...and....well I do not know...come to think of it..it makes no sense..

I swear I am going to wear underwear every single day...I am..really...