I love that even when I do not post for days and days you guys always stop by. Wanna know a little secret? There have been a few harder days when I am sitting at some DR appt and I see a message pop up with a message from one of you on my blog...just a simple reminder I am not alone.I am very blessed by all of YOU. So Thank you ..
I would love to hear what everyone is up to? Anything wonderful and exciting? Are you all loving Fall is in the air?
I have been thinking about doing a blog make over. I have had this one for two years and never had a change. I do not know why I am so worried about actually doing it. I seem to have the hardest time picking out a new blog look. I think it also could be the money part.If I do a new blog and I do not like the look or theme I do not know how to fix it..
Do you all do your own blog makeovers?
I guess I need to go ..I have a DR appt this afternoon. Going to be addressing some areas of concerns that I am just not sure how we will handle. So pray that it goes smooth and when I leave I feel a sense of calm about what needs to be done..or not done. Calm is a good thing, huh?
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Sunday, October 3, 2010
At Odd With Myself
You know the worse person to be at odds with? yourself. Cause either way you are in a bad way.
I am having a little lesson in this right now. The problem is I am not so sure why. Some days I wake up and think no matter what this is going to be a great day. And by the end of the day I am in a way. They say your heart is the most important thing to happiness. So I focus on my heart daily.
we have been so blessed this past month. Cole was very sick . He is home and doing well. He keeps us laughing daily. I felt sick with worry when he was so sick. I feel very thankful he is healing and doing so well.
Philip is at a standstill with his health. The only way to describe this is ...it breaks my heart . It hurts me to the core that my oldest son hurts daily . I find myself feeling that I need to accept he will get no better and pray he gets no worse. It makes me feel like I am giving up . But maybe I am protecting my heart. Maybe the hope I have felt followed by the hurt has just taught me to handle things this way. Maybe this is just a phase and tomorrow I will wake up expecting no less then a miracle for Philip.
I am now almost 20 months into treatment. That has taken a toll. I am very thankful to be alive.I prayed to be here for my children. I worried Cole would forget who I was if I did not win with this battle. I have been blessed. Yet I am frustrated with things.My first mapping of treatment has changed. Each test seemed to add a problem and a new "plan". What started out as one problem transformed into a more aggressive form. So we start again. I sorta have a love hate relationship with my meds. Blessed there are meds to help and yet Hate the meds that have changed me so much. And some days when I am thinking way too much I wonder if it the meds that have changed me vs the diagnosis vs the acceptance that I am walking around with some gosh awful illness. That is not the right words but do you get the message?
And with all this I just said I am not sad..or depressed..just frustrated. I love love love when people have the I will beat this, I will win, I am strong attitude ...I feel this also..just do not have the woo hoo behind it today.
I am going to work on being at peace today. Cause really that is the best medication of all.
I am having a little lesson in this right now. The problem is I am not so sure why. Some days I wake up and think no matter what this is going to be a great day. And by the end of the day I am in a way. They say your heart is the most important thing to happiness. So I focus on my heart daily.
we have been so blessed this past month. Cole was very sick . He is home and doing well. He keeps us laughing daily. I felt sick with worry when he was so sick. I feel very thankful he is healing and doing so well.
Philip is at a standstill with his health. The only way to describe this is ...it breaks my heart . It hurts me to the core that my oldest son hurts daily . I find myself feeling that I need to accept he will get no better and pray he gets no worse. It makes me feel like I am giving up . But maybe I am protecting my heart. Maybe the hope I have felt followed by the hurt has just taught me to handle things this way. Maybe this is just a phase and tomorrow I will wake up expecting no less then a miracle for Philip.
I am now almost 20 months into treatment. That has taken a toll. I am very thankful to be alive.I prayed to be here for my children. I worried Cole would forget who I was if I did not win with this battle. I have been blessed. Yet I am frustrated with things.My first mapping of treatment has changed. Each test seemed to add a problem and a new "plan". What started out as one problem transformed into a more aggressive form. So we start again. I sorta have a love hate relationship with my meds. Blessed there are meds to help and yet Hate the meds that have changed me so much. And some days when I am thinking way too much I wonder if it the meds that have changed me vs the diagnosis vs the acceptance that I am walking around with some gosh awful illness. That is not the right words but do you get the message?
And with all this I just said I am not sad..or depressed..just frustrated. I love love love when people have the I will beat this, I will win, I am strong attitude ...I feel this also..just do not have the woo hoo behind it today.
I am going to work on being at peace today. Cause really that is the best medication of all.
Day 9 - a photo you took
I am almost embarrassed to continue on with the 30 day blog journal but I am way to stubborn to give up. I Know you may be shocked to hear that I am stubborn.Day 9 - a photo you took
What a beautiful beach picture. I love the colors in this picture. My husband Jimmy always says a pink, red sky reminds him of his sister Beth that passed away a few years ago. I think this one screams her name.
What is your favorite picture?
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