Thursday, December 23, 2010

Something has been missing

There is something missing  lately.  It is my blogging.  I always and I mean always seem to  just get quite and do not share when things are hard.  I know without a doubt that no one expects me to be anything but myself but I just have a hard time "faking it and a harder time sharing my worries non stop".  But I miss my blog and all of you sooooo here I am. Are any of you still here?

I will start with I have been in a bad place. I have had to dig deep and work everyday at thinking I will make it through this.  I know that so many others have burdens, so so much harder then mine.  I know I am blessed in so many ways.  But the truth is I have been in a very bad place.  Sad, crying and feeling hopeless.  I have been worried about my future, my marriage and what type of childhood memories I am giving to my kids.  Being a good mom was something I swore I would do from day one.  Being a mom who made memories and took pictures and had a home and not a house was something I swore I would do from day one.  And lately it seemed that I was failing on the simpler things of life.  The truth is...I am tired.  I am worn out physically and emotionally.  Being what it is I have also not felt very strong spiritually.  So each day I have been "white knuckling " each day.  And hiding within myself. 

So here I am peeking out.  One thing I know for sure way is not working.  So my simple goal is to share some pics and some stories...and work on opening myself up and digging my way out of this place I am...

I hope you all have not given up  on me.  I sorta need you all more now then maybe ever before.


misty said...

Of course I'm still here! Been missing you! What is weird is I came here thinking I hope she's blogged something and I can't believe here you are! It is so understandable that you have the feelings that you do. You are human and have gone through and are going through a hell of a lot..much more than any one should.I think of you so often and my heart is with you. Try not to be so hard on yourself,remember baby steps..just focus on the things that matter most to you. I know that is easy to say but so hard to do, so I'll pray for you, strength and some peace. I'll never give up on are an amazing person, don't forget that! Much love!

Anonymous said...

Glad to see you peeking out again. I too just randomly stopped in and I haven't been by in a while. I understand that it is hard to do the things that in theory are so simple. Our son has cancer, and has recently relapsed. I am having trouble getting any housework done, never mind creating happy memories (lol). I like Misty's advice to just focus on the things that matter most. Keeping you and your family in my prayers.

Marilyn F
Regina, SK. Canada

Anonymous said...

I am so glad to see your post, I've been wondering about you. I think of you often & pray that you have the strength you need to face the day. Hang in there, take it one step at a time. That's all one person can do. Just know that there are strangers out there saying a prayer for you, lifting you up.

Kate G.

Anonymous said...

I missed you. Glad to see you back on the blog. You are a brave woman that is dealing with way too much. We're all still here.


Emma said...

Wishing a blessed, happy and merry Christmas on you and your family. Praying for you always, for God to help you, comfort you, and for 2011 to be a great year for you and your family.

Blessings always,
E x

Rachel said...

Know what? I don't think any of us that have been part of your blog for awhile now would ever say that you're either faking it or just being down all the time. I think it's neither - I think you're honest and that is something that all of us can relate to. And every single day is different.

Praying that you will find a way to connect that is healing for you. That God will be able to use people, places, things, and HIMSELF to be healing to you.

And a Merry Christmas friend!

eske said...

I, too, have missed you. I look often to see if you have blogged, hoping to know how you are doing. Love you, hope you will let me know how you are doing.

bluesuede said...

You can't get rid of me and I'm glad you are here blogging. I have missed you.

Anonymous said...

I just came by to see if you had blogged because I haven't seen any tweets from you in a while. I'm glad to see an update here and will be praying for you to get out of the rut. Just keep chugging along and try to read some of the bible. It's very interesting how it will speak to you very situation without even looking for anything specific. God Bless you and I hope Cole is feeling better. xoxo :)

brenda in seattle said...

I can't imagine dealing with everything that you have to everyday. I am praying for you.

MomToEli said...

Hi Amy! Just want you to know I'm still here. Always will be. So is Mr. Eli :-)

cosby2 said...

I've followed your blog for awhile but have never posted. Just wanted you to know that I hope that your New Year will bring good health, happiness, and peace to your life. Here is a bible verse and a quote from Beth Moore about it that has helped me through some tough times.
When I walk into the thick of trouble, keep me alive in the angry turmoil. With one hand strike my foes, With your other hand save me. Finish what you started in me, God. Your love is eternal—don't quit on me now. Psalm 138:7-8, The Message.
I picture each one of us as a child running beside Him, little legs nearly flying, and He’s got our right hand firmly grasped in His left. With His right hand, He is swinging a mighty sword. Over and over and over again. I can almost hear it slicing the air. As we trudge across that battlefield, unending armies rage against us but He parts them like the Red Sea, slaying one foe after another with His double-edged sword.
Quote from Beth Moore