Philip update ..Monday

I have a call put into the specialist. Today things have just hit a place that makes me want to do something..anything.  I am tired today...in many ways.  I so need something to change with how Philip is doing right now.

He is in tears all the time...and it is getting worse instead of better. 

I think the hardest thing for me is...learning to separate the emotional and the what we need to do emotions.  I wonder if some of you moms and dads out there get what that means.  I feel like I am torn in half some days..many days. I need to be here emotionally..and yet I need to do the medical stuff...It is hard to find a balance.  I am going to need to work on that because I feel hurt and disappointed ...and yet so very blessed.

I guess I just wish someone could fix this or tell me how to fix it.  I mean I feel like I need to scream to the top of my lungs He is my son..help him...but instead I just pray and talk to God...all day everyday.

I know there is a reason.  I trust in that.  But I am one very tired and worn out women tonight...and well..I wish things were different.
Philip is due to have scans soon.  We need to check the size of the brain mass.  Also my sweet friend who lost her DH to cancer last year asked me where the mass is..Here is the info and a pic .  Also his CB page  button with full story is on side bar..The mass is in the deepest area of the brain.  It is embedded in the main vessels that run to the brain stem.  This is what makes it so hard to get to AGAIN.  He had his stroke when they went the first time and the second had to pull back ...it was what the DR called a miracle procedure and the risk was too dangerous that day..Hope this info helped explain ..I know it is complicated..It is for me also.
I guess my question is..if this is a test...what do we need to do to pass it.  What is the lesson..and why my beautiful son?

I will update when we hear from the DR about what we are going to do...Please pray we get some answers ..Philip needs some help.

Also Philip's birthday is in a few days...please pray we can make it a special day..