Today is just a hard day. I really could use some prayers and a dose of patience. I am going to admit something ...I am just at my wits end. I feel like I could crawl in a corner and not ever come out. I am not strong or brave. I just do what I need to do..and not very well. I do not make the best of each day..I just make it through the days.. Maybe this is just a pity party...may
As you know tomorrow is a busy day for Philip..I posted about it last night. I also am having a aggressive treatment at the end of the week. I spent all morning thinking of how to make this a good week for the kids..espec
Well today has turned really rough for Philip. He fell earlier today. Thank goodness someone was here to help him. We make sure someone is here at all times since he has been falling alot lately.
And a hour later he had a bad seizure.
One part of me just wants to sit and cry..the other part of me wants to yell to the top of my lungs..
I swear..I know God is in charge. I know he has a plan. I know he will be here for us. But today I feel very alone.
Yet I am not alone...I have a house filled with amazing kids..and no matter how much I want them to let me just BE ....it is not going to happen. I might run away...
I bet some of you are just shaking your head thinking how awful I sound in this post. Cause I feel pretty guilty that I feel this way.
Please pray for Philip. He is my son. He deserves to be healthy and happy. And as his mom..I have to figure out how to help him achieve these things..
17 comments:
I came across your blog about a month ago and have read all of your entries, yet never posted anything, until now. I cannot imagine what you are going through. You may not feel it right now, but you ARE a strong person and you will get through this because you are a mother who loves her children. I think it is natural to feel the feelings you are feeling; you have been given a burden far greater than most have to deal with and you have shown your family love and strength through it all. Know that whatever happens is what God has intended and you are doing everything you can do.
No guilt allowed my friend. I know there are days you don't believe this -- but you are doing what you need to... and much better than I think I could do. Oh My... sad to hear that he fell and had a seizure. I know how hard this all is. My prayers and hugs for you all... always.
Did you know that this pix of you and Philip is one of my favorites? Love it... just like I love Philip and you.
I'm praying for you and your family.
Oh my, I am sitting here with tears streaming down my face after reading your last post. What an AMAZING, beautiful,strong and tenderhearted person/mother you are. You are SO beyond normal for feeling those feelings and thinking those thoughts considering your circumstances. The Lord will NOT give you any more than you can handle (believe it or not) and He is there for you to cry out "ABBA, FATHER" to and hold you in His arms, like only a father can. He is your resting place, your strong tower. I am praying fervently for you and will continute to do so until you both are healed... in Jesus name!!! Rest in him, my dear, and know that you are His precious daughter in whom He is well pleased!! Blessings....
Oh my, I am sitting here with tears streaming down my face after reading your last post. What an AMAZING, beautiful,strong and tenderhearted person/mother you are. You are SO beyond normal for feeling those feelings and thinking those thoughts considering your circumstances. The Lord will NOT give you any more than you can handle (believe it or not) and He is there for you to cry out "ABBA, FATHER" to and hold you in His arms, like only a father can. He is your resting place, your strong tower. I am praying fervently for you and will continute to do so until you both are healed... in Jesus name!!! Rest in him, my dear, and know that you are His precious daughter in whom He is well pleased!! Blessings....
You are all in my thoughts and prayers Amy. You know how to reach me if you need a shoulder. ((HUGS))
I am so sorry you are going through this, Amy. Even though it seems like your strength is gone, all of us are here to send you a burst anytime you need. Just let us help, let us pray, share some of your pain.
Its never a pity party to tell how you truly feel. And you have every right to feel frustrated. God is not upset that you feel weak, that's what he is there for.
I will pray for you...and for your son. You know how much I care for you and your family. If only I could do more. This comes from my heart!
You will be strong for your family. God is by your side helping you step by step. Keeping you in my prayers and sending hugs your way.
My prayers are with you and Philip!
I hope everything goes well. I know how it is when you just want to scream until you can't make a sound.
I've been there before.
Giving you guys huge hugs!
Amy, I feel that way all too often and I'm not dealing with even 1/100th of what you are. You are only human and you are carrying around SO much! It's only natural for it to be hard on you.
xoxo & prayers.
Your not a terrible person or a terrible mother. In fact, God has just used you to show me he is here with me in my miserable day. I googled daily blessing and I found that a person I don't know has written my thoughts down in a blog. Thankyou for being God's instrument. God Bless, I'll be praying for you.
I am always praying for you guys. Always thinking of you and hoping you are doing well. I am so sorry about the recent happenings. You are in my prayers.
Love,
Kami
I am praying so hard for you guys. I know that God has a plan for you, and one day all this will be behind you! You are such an amazing, strong person and your kids are so lucky to have such a caring mom. I hope things get better really soon!
It is heartwrenching to watch loved ones,esp children hurt and struggle with illness..my heart is with you..praying for better days very soon. You are doing the best you can with the unbelievably hard situation you're in.Hold tight to your faith..God Bless
Oh Amy .... my heart goes out to you. I just thank the Lord that Philip has not broke any limb .... God must be cushioning his falls (or at least I liked to think that is what he was doing for my DH).
You are not letting Philip or the rest of your family down. You are doing the best you can with what you've been given. Please don't beat yourself up. Remember - you are going through a lot yourself.
My prayers continue for all of you. Try to get a good night's sleep because you need your strength for tomorrow.
It is so hard sometime to align our logical thinking and realizations with our emotions. Keep on keepin' on, my thoughts are with you! {{{HUGS}}}
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