So today something happened...I went there...
I let my mind go to the place I try to not let it go...
Let me explain..sometimes it hits me...I have cancer. I am sick. My whole life has changed . I get scared. I get tired . And I am overwhelmed. When these thoughts pop in my head I never let myself dwell on it for long..because it gets me no place good...
Today my thoughts went there and have been there all day. What if's...How the heck did this happen. What are we going to do ? And how can we take care of Philip's medical and mine also?
Today has been a little bit of a lesson..Do not go there.
I am praying..I am taking it one appt at a time..everyday.
Speaking of test...Last week I had three and tomorrow I have a big one. Please pray for good clear results. I hate waiting and not knowing. I know they will be what they are..but I want to know..oh and I want them to be GREAT results. I hope I can post that news sometime this week..
I know this is not a mistake. God does not make mistakes. But I just can not figure out the what, how and when of this thing we call LIFE.
I know we are blessed. I am here. Philip is here. And I have reminded myself that it could be so much worse. But maybe it is okay for me to allow myself tonight to admit..it is hard..and it is okay to feel how I felt today. Just can not dwell on it.
So tonight as I get ready for bed. I am thankful for today and praying for tomorrow.
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21 comments:
Praying, praying, praying. Love you and great big hugs!
I'll be praying for peaceful sleep for you tonight. Waiting is rough.
Psalm 4:8 "In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, O LORD, will keep me safe."
And i'll be asking the Lord for good results tomorrow.
I've been meaning to ask you if you read Lynnette Kraft's blog...
http://lynnettekraft.blogspot.com/
She has been through so much. (loosing three children) and is an amazing lady. I think you would be encouraged by her.
I think you are a strong, wonderful person and you inspire me with your faith. Thank you. I'm praying for God to move mightily and show his healing power through you.
I will pray for good results! And when I'm done...I'll pray a little more. I want only good for you.
Praying for you too, Amy!
Praying for you & for peace. Also praying for good results. I have seen this past week how good God is! He gave my sister clear results and I believe he will give you the same! You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers!
Your post made me cry. I am so sorry you are going through all of this. You have every right to have moments of fear and anger. I am thinking of you in my thoughts and prayers. HUGS.
Amy~ I am praying for you!! You have a lot on your plate and the fact that you make it through everyday is a lesson to us all! Thank you for the reminder of what a precious gift our lives are...
HUGS AND PRAYERS
Here's a little mediation I say when I am worried about things or suffering something..
Eternal Father, through Mary's unblemished hands and the Divine Heart of Jesus, I offer you the terryifing sufferings of Jesus' heart on the Mount of Olives and every drop of His bloody sweat. As atonement for my and all of humanities sins of the heart, as protection against such sins and for the spreading of Divine and Brotherly love.
-from the 12 year prayers of St. Bridget.
Oh, sweetie, my heart goes out to you. You're going through so much and it's okay to go there! I will definitely be praying for you. (((HUGS)))
I have been checking here for days to see if you had updated. You and your family are always on my mind and always in my prayers.
I'm sure that the tests you are taking have many of the "don't need to go there" thoughts on your mind. I'm praying for good results.
Hi Amy,
I came over from Holly's blog. Your blog is beautiful and I am very interesting in reading more about you and your life situation.
I will be praying for you and for excellent results. Prayer can change things. The reason I am here is because I saw that you lost your nephew a few months ago.
I have a blog were I send out handkerchiefs to grieving mothers.
It's my For Your Tears blog and I would love to send one to his mother. I would need her full name and address. Take care & God Bless.
dpucci9972@gmail.com
It's hard to not do the "what if's" especially when you've been dealing with this for SO long. I'll be praying for you!
Praying for you each day..extra prayers for all the appts,tests and for clear results...you have been through and are going through so much,and every time you get knocked down, that you get back up and keep the faith..is such an inspiration.Love and hugs
I think that sometimes it's ok to let yourself "go there". Maybe not all the time because you can't live "there", but because this is your reality. If you box it away and keep pushing everything down into that box, one day the box will pop open and make one enormous mess. I am praying for you and hoping you got some good news.
We all go there and most of us do not have cancer...you are human and you are totally allowed to be scared, to wonder what if, to even ask why. We all would do the same thing if we were in your place and most of us not as gracefully as you do. But remember that God is with you every step of the way and one day you will understand and your questions will be answered. He hears your prayers, he wipes your tears, he holds your hands and wraps his arms of love around you when you just ask. Thinking of you and sending prayers. Love you bunches.
We're made to feel, so you feel girl! He understands.
(P.S. I am your swap partner and I am very excited! I hope you like my favorite things.)
Such a hard journey!! You are not alone! Praying for Peace & little blessings to bring some joy into your days!!
Just Jenn~
nice post. thanks.
Those are some good words of wisdome. pray for today and be thankful for tomorrow.
I will keep you in my prayers.
btw.....love the butt crack photo....lol
I am praying for you....and wish there was some way for me to help you. Please let me know if there is anything I can do.
Have you heard Casting Crowns "Praise you in this storm"? It is an incredible song and I would love for you to hear it. It's about trusting God in during the hard parts of our lives.
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