Saturday, April 4, 2009

Does This Look Like A Face That?


Does This Look Like A Face That Wants To Watch The Movie Marley And Me?

See I have heard about this movie...sweet cute movie... But let me just tell you that my emotions are RAW this weekend. I am sick..I mean really sick. I have cried and cried and well cried. Everything has caught up with me. And I am just going to say it. You who say I am strong..Ha...No I am not. Not this weekend.

And I heard that while this movie is all sweet and loving it has a a "ending" that may just put me over the edge. It will not take much.

So I say I am sorry I just need to lay down and not watch the movie. Mommy is sick and can not watch the movie. Sometimes mommy just has to say no. yep...No to the movie ...

So Cole comes over and says Mommy can we Please watch Marley...

So now I am watching Marley.


I guess I need to just say this...I am struggling. I have faith. I have trust in God. I am still struggling. I am not feeling well. I am tired of dumping on you that I am not feeling well. I have a paranoid feeling everyone I know and live with is tired of me not feeling well. Philip's medical issues are so complex and scary it takes my breathe away. And on top of having to watch him live through it we are trying to schedule it, get it approved and pay for it.

Okay I am done now...Really I am..

Back to watching Marley and Me with the best medicine of all..My sweet Cole Tre.

16 comments:

Charmaine said...

So today is not a good day, that is ok and it is ok with me and it is ok with God. You are allowed to have days where you cry, scream, shout and stomp your feet. Good grief girl you are going through cancer....for most people that is more than they can bear and on top of that you have a son that has been sick his whole life and now you have even bigger problems to look at, your husband has just recently had heart issues and could possibly lose his job....you DESERVE to cry, you deserve to feel tired, mad, and weak. But I know you and tomorrow morning you will shake it off and be the strong woman that you are. But for now you are allowed, you have earned it...so let it out...and I will send prayers and hugs.

Liz (Loving Mom 2 Boys) said...

Oh Amy, I can't even imagine what you are going through or how rotten you must feel right now. I wish I could just give you a great big hug and snuggle right now. And don't worry...I still think you are strong...I have no doubt of it. It takes strength to keep getting on, it doesn't mean you don't feel miserable or weak. Love you hunny...

Eyeglasses & Endzones said...

Let me just say that face looks like a face who is REALLY REALLY Strong and can absolutly take time for yourself...although, I am hoping that you got up from the marley and me ;) I am praying for you as I type and I have to say that you are an amazing encouragment and even if you feel like crap...we are here to lift you up and if you must get all your emotions out via blog....that is what we are here for!!!!! ;)
((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))

Lisa said...

Oh, that is a good movie, but I balled like a baby. Good Luck controlling those tears.

Hugs,
Lisa

Shannon said...

I've been wondering about you today. Looks like it's been a rough couple days for you. I hope you get some sweet snuggle time with little Cole.
You are in my prayers sweet friend.

AmberW said...

I love you, you know that?
I love that you're honest.
I love that you don't pretend things are all peachy-keen when they aren't.
You are stronger than you think you are!
I want to come and squish you in that first picture - oh and btw, I am thinking of watching Marley and Me... but I am scared!!! Hope you had an alright evening my friend... thinking of you!

Gran to Angels said...

I see a beautiful face! I have sat with you, talked with you, cried with you, gone on adventures with you so I think I know when I say....you are beautiful inside and out! Picture yourself sitting on God's lap with your head on His shoulder while He is comforting you.....it will be ok.
Love ya Amy!!!

Shannon said...

You know, I know exactly what you mean about the feeling that everyone is tired of you being sick. I shed MANY tears over that same feeling. I totally understand it. And even as good as I'm doing there are still times that I hurt or something is hard to do and I want to cry because I think my husband is acting like I'm a pain in the butt. I don't want to feel like a burden. So I say all that to let you know I understand that part of how you are feeling. I know it's only a little part of what you're going through but I wanted you to know that at least that little part I understand.

Juls said...

It's ok...
to not have a good day...week...month...

It's ok...
to dump it on us...we don't mind.

It's ok...
if you get sweet talked into watching a movie that might put you over the edge...

Once you go over the edge ....
come back and here and dump some more of it on us...
You are strong... even when you don't feel so strong...and your family is very lucky to have you..and I'm sure they know it and don't mind you not feeling well...
Lean on others to: pray you through it, help you through it..whatever it takes! :)

Beth E. said...

Amy,
You have been through so much...my heart goes out to you! I must say that even though you do look very tired, I see a beautiful, strong, determined woman. Praying for you AND praying for Phillip.

Please try to rest whenever you can.

Blessings to you and your family...
Beth E.

Rachel said...

Praying for you. For health, for renewed purpose, for energy, for wisdom, for a peace that passes all understanding.

I can't understand what it's like to walk in your shoes... but I promise that God gives enough strength for each day - He has through all my struggles.

Please - if there is anything we can do (we will continue to pray), please post or email about it. That is what the body of Christ is for. To take care of those things when you need to focus elsewhere.

BLESSINGS

Aspiemom said...

I understand.

{{hugs}}

bluesuede said...

When I saw your heading, I thought of something my brother says about homely girls -- "She's got a face that only a mother could love." For you, I'm lmbo.

Your face looks good to me and I love seeing it!

Kristen Andrews said...

I cried several times the first time when Aniston's character had a miscarriage same thing happend to me twice and we lost our first dog to cancer so it brought back a flood of memories, my Mom told me not to watch it too but friends sd how great it was. I am still sad over it!

misty said...

Almost missed this one..I see a beautiful, strong lady who has inspired so many..Amy, you have every right to feel the way you do,you are dealing with so very much.Your honesty and keeping it real attitude is what is just the best. Keep holding onto that faith and hope that has brought you this far.Luv ya!

Kim H. said...

I can't bring myself to watch that one - I just love animals too much to think that I can handle it - even if it is a GREAT story! My dogs are older - and I just know it'll send me over the edge. Especially on the fertility meds!