Monday, February 23, 2009

Reality ...warning...some venting..

Well I am going to vent for a few...This weekend has been rough...really rough. I am having a really rough night. I have been sick all afternoon and non stop tonight. Non of my normal after treatment fixes have worked. I have had way too many SF frozen pops.
For some reason this weekend I had a headache to go along with everything. So It made everything seem harder. No matter what I did the headache would not go away. I took some pain meds to help with the pain from my surgery and still the headache is here. So that seemed to make the nausea so much worse. Even the melt in your mouth Zofran has not worked. I just took a phergan and am going to see if I can stop throwing up long enough to fall to sleep. This day has to end..Looking forward to a brighter day when I wake up. I hate feeling so sick and weak. To be honest I am missing the old me a little tonight. But she will be back...I so hope it is soon.
Since I am being so blunt and honest. I would like to ask for some prayers in another area., As you know Jim is going to have surgery on his back. He sees the DR March 4th. He has to have a neurosurgeon do this type of operation so there is a wait to have it done. He is on a waiting list. I call daily to check for a cancellation. Due to his BP he is unable to work until he has the operation done and then I think there is a few weeks recovery. With Philip's medical bills and his upcoming brain operation.. My co payments..and operations etc .I am pretty worried about our bills. I know deep down all will be okay. I also know I am suppose to trust in God that we will be okay. And I do know we will be. But somehow I just can not help but worry. Things seem so very overwhelming right now. I tell myself daily it could be worse..and it could be...but is it bad of me to think..they could be better?
Okay..I have gotten it off my now I can try to let it go..
I pray the meds work and I can get some sleep. My head feels like it could explode and I just know I can not be sick anymore...can someone tell my body that.
Okay..Now I am done complaining..really I am..
Wanna hear some of the best medicine I had tonight? Emily laid in bed with me tonight and we watched one of her shows and she rubbed my back after I took my Zofran to see if I could fall to sleep. So she fell to sleep...and I ended up watching her She takes such good care of me..I am so blessed with her as my daughter.
Goodnight my dear friends. Let's have a Blessed Monday.


lori said...

hey there...sorry i have not been around for a few, it sure doesn't mean i haven't been thinking of you!
hang in there...He always provides for us. i know just how you feel!
and what a sweet daughter!

if you are around monday, stop by for some fun to take your mind off things! hope to 'see' you!

Carly Marie said...

I don't think you have to warn anyone on how you are feeling :)

I am so sorry that you are feeling so terrible. I pray for peace in your body and a deep nights sleep.

All my love

CArly x

annie kelleher said...

blessed monday to you... hope you all feel better very soon!

Stacy said...

I hope you were able to get some rest. Emily does sound wonderful!

Aspiemom said...

I'm so sorry for how horrible you are feeling. Sometimes it gets hard to remember the days when you felt GOOD. Had energy and felt good! I know how that goes. But you've been suffering so much and you have every right to talk about it on your blog.

I'm praying for you and pray that you are better VERY soon. I'm praying for the rest of your family, too. Now I'll start on your bills. Know what that's like, too. It seems that all of ours coming in lately are for over $1000 and I'm wondering what insurance is for. What year will these bills be paid off?

I love the story about Emily and you. That was very sweet of her. Hope that you enjoyed the program! lol

Hope said...

I hate to hear you're feeling so bad. I'm sure stress is making your headache so much worse. You know I'm prating for all of you. You need a reprieve from all this. Huge ((Hugs))! If He takes you to it, He'll take you through it. You will be back to feeling like yourself soon.

3 Bay B Chicks said...

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April said...

Hi Amy~
So sorry you had such a tough weekend! Emily sounds like a little doll to have rubbed your back for you...don't daughters have the sweetest ways? I'm praying for all of you...hope things begin to look up for you today!

Charmaine said...

Let's see you are battling cancer, your husband is ready to have surgery and your son is ready to have surgery scheduled....medical bills are mounting up....I can understand why you are worried and it is very hard to just hand it over to the Lord and leave it at his door...Sending you love and prayers for less worry. Praying that the Lord will send you a message that all will be ok, something you can hold on to and feel strong about. Love you girl...hope the headache is gone when you read this.

Melissa said...

I wish there was something bigger I could do for you then just say "I'm sorry." You have so much to deal with and the fact that you are still standing proves to me what a strong person you are.

I hope things start getting better for you post haste!!

Anonymous said...

Emily sounds like a sweetheart! I'm sure she is with you as her mother. I'm still praying for you and your family and getting the word out about Prayer for Philip. Hope your week is good. Hang in there!

Sweeteater from LCFs

Gran to Angels said...

Keeping you in my prayers! All of you are in my prayers!

Shannon said...

You are so right, there's a bond. It's not just in your head. :) And since I haven't had any pain meds in almost 7 hours (woo-hoo) I can tell you my head is thinking clearly, so yep! Bond!

You vent all you want. I don't think being a Christian means we have to always be totally perky and upbeat about everything in life. So you vent, whine, even pitch a fit and I think we'll all understand (the Lord included.)

bluesuede said...

I wish I had a magic wand to make this all better for you ...

reesie said...

just wanted to let you know your family is our thoughts and prayers, kiddo even had her church put ya'll on their prayer list!

Lisa said...

Hi Amy, I have been wondering how you have may have had a rebound headache from your pain meds..I think that is when the medication actually starts the headache?? anyhow, I know you are worried, I am parents are so ill I don't think they will be hear for Christmas. I just heard my dad fell at the hospital last night. He has alzhimers and it is just so sad. I have put all my trust in the Lord, I don't know about tomorrow but I know Who holds the future.

Tracy B said...

Hey there Amy girl sorry I haven't posted a pick me up for a while!!! We just got back from the Penn State Dance a Thon that we go for Alex. The kids did so great they raised this year 7.5 million. Now some suggestions for you girl here they are cause with helping out while Alex was going thru treatment I did learn lol.....I see you have used the ice pops what about slushies? They help Alex with upset tummy. Another thing is having some one rub your belly helps the cramping. The zofran helped Alex but I think they gave that to him right after his does of chemo so you can try that too. Get ahead of the nausea. So put Dear Emily to work tell her to work up the soft touch of rubbing your belly and see if that helps.

Now to your other area have you spoke to your ocology office about setting up a social worker for you and your family. With Alex I know how the bills do mount and this is what helped them thru was a social worker. I don't know how it works for adults but for kids there is a 4 diamonds fund and this is what the dance a thon was about raising money to help out the families cause of the amount of bills and other expenses occur. Trust me it doesn't hurt to ask. Even ask Philips doctor about maybe a social worker to help with his bills and medical needs. There is help out there and before you end up worring about all that and not about you I want you to ask cause you need to stay at best worry free and I know that is hard so maybe finding some avenue for medical help will take some of the stress off of your shoulders so you can be there for yourself, Philip and Jim.

Your a fighter girl if anything can encourage you when the days are down look at your son and how far he has come. Also remember Cancer no more is a dirty word there is a horizon after look at Alex he is going into his 3rd year remission. So keep that chin up and stay positive I know some days it can be hard!!! But I am here for you and don't forget ok!!!!
Love ya

Vic said...

I am praying for you. Please keep your spirits up and your eyes on the Lord just lay in front of his cross. My prayers are being sent heavenward for you.

Alexis AKA MOM said...

I love it when people keep it real, isn't that what this is suppose to be about venting, laughing and meeting new friends? I'm sorry to hear about the troubles, it always seems to all come down! We always know it will work out it just the thoughts of when and where and where the heck is that money coming from? Ugh some days it really just gets to you. But where here for you :).