Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Life Thoughts

The last few days I have been really thinking about life. Not the everyday living we all do but the real idea of the LIFE we live. Some of us live long some of us not. Some of us are moms and a grandmama. Some are a wife or sisters a daughter etc. But I wonder if these are the things that really make up what OUR lives are all about.
I can not help but wonder who I would be or what my life would be if God had not been so generous to bless me to care for my oldest son Philip . Would I be who I am today? I doubt it. And that in itself is some good that came from this hard issue. I found out that life can throw us a hard ball and we can catch it and run with it or let it smack us in the face. Trust me I have done both. In the end being smacked in the face with it HURTS worse. Ya know?
This week there was a lady at the oncologist office who was thin as a rail and very old. Her DH was with her holding her hand helping her make all kinds of appointments. I noticed when they went to give her her shot to boost her blood counts her arm was so thin and her skin paper thin...and yet she looked up and smiled . Wow. I would love to of asked her to help me find whatever she has in her that helped her be able to smile through all that. But thinking back on that now...I bet you it was life lessons. I want to be just like her....
Then today there was a lady at the store who could not find her car. She was older and confused a little. When we found what we thought was her car...she said that is good cause I was about to steal one. I just love that sense of humor. I bet she has leaned on that through the years.
Something that has so touched my heart this week is some special little children. I have followed some children daily for well over two years . Some get better some and too often some do not. I have met a few moms that I know GET it when I need them to GET it that I am hurting and worried or freaking. It is a unspoken vibe. And it has allowed me to help a few moms who children are facing shunts. One mom name Melissa has been so supportive to me with Philip and yet we meet because I emailed her when her son Reese was facing a shunt. Sure enough Reese got one and shortly afterward Philip's was infected and we spent almost a month in ICU. She was the first person to email me. I have watched her grow with the idea of Reese having medical issues and dealing with the physical and mental worries. A example of Life lesson. She could of thrown a fit but she did not. She embraces it.
This week has been a hard week for so many children I follow. Each morning and every night I log on to check on them. Everyday this week there has been a unexpected death of a child fighting hard to live. I can not begin to tell you how sad that makes me . I can not imagine the grief their parents are feeling. But something touched me and made me think of this whole life lessons.
A little boy name Kassey last night told his mom he was sorry he really thought he might die. His mom had a very honest talk with him in the dark of the night and they fell asleep. Sweet Kassey who had been more brave then anyone I know...at the young age of 11 died this morning. Looking back over the post about Kassey...I wonder how someone so young can be so brave and so strong. Life lessons.
I need to work on my life lessons. I wonder if I am embracing my life lessons or fighting them? I just can not wrap my mind around the whole this is meant to be....am I missing something? Is my vibe causing some issues for me? I want to be one of these who embraces life and takes it for all it is worth...but I am worn out. Am I worn out cause I am not embracing it?
Just me thinking out loud...

10 comments:

Melissa said...

If you figure out the answer can you let me know. There are so many people out there that seem to deal with illness so much better then I do.

I wish I could find some of that grace somewhere because I feel like I'm completely lacking it....

April said...

Amy~
You have no idea the life lessons you have taught me in such a short amount of time. You have shown me courage beyond belief and faith to travel throught the eye of the storm. You are much stronger and way more influential than you can possibly know! I always know that when I read your posts, you are going to be nothing less than REAL and there's a lot to be said for that!

God bless you and all the children who are hurting. I've always had a soft spot in my heart for kids who are terminally ill...just something about them that makes my heart explode. Take good care, Amy...I'm pulling for you 150%!

By the way, have you ever read the book "Tuesdays With Morrie"? I highly recommend it...it's all about life lessons. I've read it about 4 times and I learn something different each time I do.

Aspiemom said...

Thanks for this post. What you told us about Kassey is very sad. I had not heard of him. I am so sorry.

ixtapacheryl said...

Oh Amy .... what a great blog. It brought tears to my eyes.

I just found out last night that my husband's cancer has returned. The oncologist called to let me know. We don't have an appointment until a week from tomorrow. I have decided not to tell him - to wait until next Thursday when he sees the doctor and starts on a different type of chemo for three months. Keeping this to myself is the most difficult thing to do.

It's so hard not to just burst out crying. How much can a human being take.

I spend a lot of time praying (even when I'm washing the floor while Jeff is sleeping).

Please know that I'm also praying for you, Philip and your family.

Sometimes I wonder if God is really listening! I want to believe he is.

annie kelleher said...

i always go back to that quote of mother theresa's - i know god won't give me anything i can't handle, but i wish he didn't trust me with so much. sympathies to kassie's family and big hugs to you... if you'd ever like a reading (free of course) please feel free to send me an email. xoxox... annie

Tink said...

These little ones can be so strong. My cousin had a severely handicapped boy that she had to take care of 24/7. He died at the age of 12 of heart failure. He was such a sweetheart, always smiled. Her other son died of brain cancer when he was 10. We never know what route our lives will take us. I"m reading a wonderful story right now called "One Tattered Angel" about the author who adopted a handicapped child without a brain. It's a fascinating read. You might find some comfort from the blogger Tara who has a handicapped child and blogs about other families with handicapped children. She can be found at http://kidzorg.blogspot.com/. Have a great day.

WPMomOf2 (jen) said...

what a great post. thanks for sharing your beautiful thougths.

Grace said...

I like it when you think aloud. The two women you mention in your post… you are like them… I think none of us really ever see ourselves as others do, we are always more critical of ourselves. I remember a time more than a year ago when you told me something good about me that I had not ever seen in me.. you remember? What you told your sunday school class... You see the good in people… see the good in Amy, deal? I need to add that whether you ever wrap your mind around ‘this was meant to be’ or not… it is not causing some issues for you. Things happen and they are not always because they were meant to be… sometimes things just happen. I think there is a difference between ‘meant to be’ and things that happen and good coming from it. I’m thinking I’m not making much sense right now.

Grace said...

To add to my comment... I am not sure if this will help me explain better... but in case you didn't catch this post of mine...
http://doingthemathcountingmyblessings.blogspot.com/2009/01/dear-god-provide-some-relief.html
Then perhaps when you want we can talk more about what I'm trying to say... K?

misty said...

I don't think you realize what valuable life lessons you are teaching us. The way you deal with life and all that goes with it, good or bad. You mention these two women in your post, and you are like that for so many.You may not see it, but we see your courage,faith,humor and your ability to see beyond the obstacles.I think one of the things that I admire most is that with all you have going on in your life, you take and make the time for others and their issues. That is so cool. It tears my heart to hear about the little children, god bless you and the little ones.