You know I am sitting trying to figure out how to put my feelings into words. Maybe I should not even blog about it...but I feel like I will want to come back one day soon and see just how far I have come . And yes I know one day soon I am going to come here and be in a much better place.
Besides the emotional business of healing from my surgery and my diagnosis. The physical has started to really take a toll. Over the last few days I have felt pretty weak. It takes nearly nothing to get me out of breathe and needing to lay down. I feel like I have ran a marathon after I take a shower. I know this is part of my recovery and the new meds I am using for my treatment. And even if I know it is all normal..I just hate feeling this way. I felt pretty bummed this weekend..Emily wanted to bake and continued to ask me to just get up and bake. I am sure she was getting pretty over hearing me say In a while...But we did get up this morning and baked some banana bread. She is getting to be a wonderful help in the kitchen.
Finding a balance of how far to push myself is the key. I need to rebuild my strength but not overdue it. Balance my emotions and my physical activities. Is there a book out there to help know how to do both of these? LOL
I sometimes think that I am my own worse enemy. I spend too much time trying to figure out how to be vs just being. Does that make sense?
I am open enough to say that In have never had a solid sense of who Amy is. But I do know that I do not want to be known for being sick. I want to be something and someone who is who she is...based on me..not being a mom of a child who is facing hard medical issues or a rotten diagnosis.
I have been thinking I need to let things be and let God do. I read that in one of my comments on here and it is wise words. It sounds so simple and yet I struggle doing it. I think I need to just open my bible and find a place to start to read. Being a young christian I sometimes find the words a little hard to understand...but the message is clear.
I have felt such love from all of you. The cards are just such a blessing. The written messages are so special and will be kept. The gifts..well okay I love getting surprises...Good ones..lol
What in the world have I done to deserve such support and love?