Sunday, January 18, 2009


You know I am sitting trying to figure out how to put my feelings into words. Maybe I should not even blog about it...but I feel like I will want to come back one day soon and see just how far I have come . And yes I know one day soon I am going to come here and be in a much better place.
Besides the emotional business of healing from my surgery and my diagnosis. The physical has started to really take a toll. Over the last few days I have felt pretty weak. It takes nearly nothing to get me out of breathe and needing to lay down. I feel like I have ran a marathon after I take a shower. I know this is part of my recovery and the new meds I am using for my treatment. And even if I know it is all normal..I just hate feeling this way. I felt pretty bummed this weekend..Emily wanted to bake and continued to ask me to just get up and bake. I am sure she was getting pretty over hearing me say In a while...But we did get up this morning and baked some banana bread. She is getting to be a wonderful help in the kitchen.
Finding a balance of how far to push myself is the key. I need to rebuild my strength but not overdue it. Balance my emotions and my physical activities. Is there a book out there to help know how to do both of these? LOL
I sometimes think that I am my own worse enemy. I spend too much time trying to figure out how to be vs just being. Does that make sense?
I am open enough to say that In have never had a solid sense of who Amy is. But I do know that I do not want to be known for being sick. I want to be something and someone who is who she is...based on me..not being a mom of a child who is facing hard medical issues or a rotten diagnosis.
I have been thinking I need to let things be and let God do. I read that in one of my comments on here and it is wise words. It sounds so simple and yet I struggle doing it. I think I need to just open my bible and find a place to start to read. Being a young christian I sometimes find the words a little hard to understand...but the message is clear.

I have felt such love from all of you. The cards are just such a blessing. The written messages are so special and will be kept. The gifts..well okay I love getting surprises...Good
What in the world have I done to deserve such support and love?


Lisa said...

You wanna know why you are so deserving?? For being Amy and that is why. You have a heart of gold and you are always thinking about others when you should probably be thinking about yourself. You are who you are and that person is such a great person...being AMY makes you deserving!!

Trust me... I know what it is like to be a young Christian. I have been saved for many years, but I myself have never been able to fully understand the writings of the Bible. It is hard for me to understand as well, but I can tell you that I have found it more comforting to get a teaching Bible. I have a Women of Faith Bible and find it to be VERY helpful and it helps me to understand things much better. I can read the Women of Faith Bible and then go over to my other Bible and kinda tie things together. Perhaps you could check into that Bible and let me know what you think. I think it is a great one for young Christians and if for those that still have a hard time understanding the Bible.

Hugs to you my friend!!

~ Lisa

WPMomOf2 (jen) said...

The blogging world is a great source of friendship! Glad you have found support!! :))

Ann said...

It is great that you are trying to get up....a little at a time is the key. I'm sure it is hard and you want to do more, but in the long run you will see the difference.

Have you tried books on cd or tape? They are wonderful, soothing and fun to listen to. I know the bible is available in that format.

Banana bread sounds good. I love it that your daughter is learning her way around the kitchen from you. Those are skills she will have forever.

Have a wonderful Sunday!

April said...


I wish I could express to you what an amazing inspiration you are to those of us who are looking at your life from the outside in. Everytime I read one of your posts, I am the one feeling uplifted. Your strength, courage, and faith astound me. That, my friend, is why I think you're deserving!

Hold on to God's promises and never, ever let go!!!

misty said...

Hugs to you, Amy. You are going through some very tough times, emotionally and physically. You will find your balance, but it's going to take time and patience. You are a funny, wise and very caring person.You being you is why you are so deserving. I reached out to you because you were real, honest and open. You put it out there, good or bad, just like all our lives really are. The way you deal with life, seeing your blessings through the obstacles you face,you know,I don't know many who can do that,it is such an inspiration. And, you always show such concern for others,at all times. That is why you are so deserving, because you rock, girl!

Aspiemom said...

I'm sorry that you are feeling so wiped out. I know what that's like. And it's hard when others are wanting us to participate in something and we keep putting them off. I feel like a party pooper these days.

You are a very caring and honest person. It makes others keep coming back to see how you are. It's so easy to get discouraged when we continually aren't feeling well. Especially when we've led a life where we could do a lot. I am praying for you.

bluesuede said...

I'm still here ...

He And Me + 3 said...

I hope that you are able to find that activity level that is just you can do the things you want to do without over extending yourself. It is hard to find balance sometimes. Be paitient and take care of yourself. Healing is always a slow process...but God is good & faithful. So glad you were able to bake with your daughter today. Bet it was yummy too!

*Keli* said...

You are loved by so many and we are all praying for you and your family! You have a HUGE heart and are always thinking of others! Take care of yourself! xo Keli

AmberP said...

It's one of those fine lines - you want to share your story - because truly, every day of your life makes up a piece of what makes you, well... you! But you don't want to be defined by your illness nor Philip's. You want to be YOU, you want to be Amy, and I can tell you - we all see that Amy.

You have so many people out there praying for you - and I think that in itself proves to you, that you are just Amy and that in God's most perfect way, he is showing you that.

Your journey of healing is going to be a long one, but I am sure I can speak for all of us and say that we are here every step of the way. Through the good, through the bad. I think it is a brilliant idea to document it all. I decided that honesty was the best policy - so that's how I have started to blog. I want to be honest with myself. I want to look back a year from now and see how far I have come!

You are going to do the very same! Hugs and kisses to you my friend :)