Finding a balance. That is on my mind alot lately.
This afternoon I have been in just a way. I have been looking forward to this day being over and going to bed...but now it is 12:30am and I can not sleep. So as many of you know when I have some "issues" and it is 12:30 am I blog.
There have been a lot of things going on this week. I have had tons of appts. Tons of testing. Tons of waiting. Tons of stress.
Tomorrow marks 4 weeks post my operation . Three weeks being re stitched and drain issues. My recovery is slow but going in the right direction. I am having a issue finding a way to ease back into my life. I feel that in some ways I am expected to just jump back to normal. And I just can not. I have never had something knock me down like this operation has. In fact some days I feel like I am taking one step forward and two back.
Having the kids home for break was much easier because there was no getting up early to get them off to school or trying to figure out schedules around appts . Part of my frustration seems to be...trying to heal..trying to be a mom...trying to be a wife...and trying to figure out the best way for me to beat this illness. Sometimes I get the feeling everyone around me wants to me move on and just deal with it. I am pretty sure that is not the case but it seems that way. Sometimes I can move on...but sometimes I seem stuck..It is a long road and I will just need to find a way to make it work . I do not want to dwell on things but I also am not feeling like I can jump back into taking care of everything here in the house , the kids , and myself. But isn't that what a mom and a wife do?
Okay how is this..Being blunt..it seems that my family and some friends are over me being sick and we are just getting started. There I said it. Bless their hearts. See you say Bless their hearts to ease the rude comment I made about them.
I guess I am feeling sorry for myself and it is not a pretty thing. I just am feeling low tonight. There are just some "issues" at home that remind me that in many ways..I am the one who will need to take this on ...and beat it..
Tomorrow is a important day for Philip with a DR appt. In fact we have been waiting for this appt for a few weeks. Please keep him in your prayers. He is miserable and needs to find some answers to help him. WE have had to make some pretty hard decisions that had to be made this week regarding Philip. I wish I knew how to help things with Philip. I feel like a failure most days with his issues. Sure wish there was a clear path and if not then maybe some cliff notes.
Sorry to be a downer. I just feel a tad out of sorts and overwhelmed.
Tomorrow will be better..Until then I am going to go take a so needed pain pill and get to bed.