Friday, January 2, 2009

A Few More Thoughts...Imagine That

So the other night I shared some feelings in my blog. As always I am blown away with the support and comments. Have I mentioned that each of you have helped me more then you know. I feel such peace when I read your comments. One wonderful thing is I know when I am feeling weak or worried...I KNOW that many of you are praying for me . What more could I wish for. Thank You.

With that being said...I want to clarify something. If my post came across as I was worried what people think when I blog, then I did not explain my feelings clearly. I know that many of not all of you want me to share how I am feeling. I also know none of you expect me to feel or act a certain way. My issue is ME. I have this idea in my head of how I am suppose to feel or act or express myself. In the past I have read blogs such as sweet Stellan 's mama and think wow..what faith she has. I want that faith also. Heck I want to go live with her and talk faith and trust with her everyday. That could be hard she does not even know who I am...lol. I want to be able to come here and say that I KNOW and FEEL a certain way. So see my friends...it is not my fear of any of you judging me...I am judging myself.
I want to be strong and sure and filled with this certain peace daily. But in reality I do not feel that way always. And yes I know no one does. My problem is..on the days I am feeling so positive I do not have that deep desire to blog at 2 am. My 2 am post come in the times that I am feeling a tad less then sure or positive or strong. So maybe that is why it may of come across that I thought YOU all expected me to say certain things in the blog..or be happy go lucky.
Is any of this making sense? Hummm
Before I ramble on anymore...I will say this.
I know this is my blog and I can cry in it if I want to. I know I can come and vent and worry and share. I know that anyone who has judged me or would is not someone I should even concern myself with. But I think I am the one who is judging me. Maybe I should end this post with a question ....
Why are we harder on ourselves then we would ever be with others?

17 comments:

Hope said...

You're right, we are always harder on ourselves. Believe me, you are so much stronger than you're giving yourself crefit for. MckMama's faith is inspiring, but so are you. Your perseverance is awe-inspiring at times.
You are always in my prayers.

Lisa said...

Amy I have learned I am harder on myself than even God is. Even Jesus was troubled and worried before He was crucified so He knows our emotions and how hard it is to control them. Just because we weep out in fear or pain does not mean we do not have faith, I have knelt to pray before and all i could do was sob.....God knows our heart and sees our needs and we need to come boldly and humbly before Him and share our concerns.
We are weak, but HE IS STRONG.

ixtapacheryl said...

Just off the top of my head I would say we are "perfectionists" and we don't expect perfection from others. Does that make sense?

Just remember - God loves you and so do we! He's the only one that has the lock on perfection....

Melissa said...

I have a post on my blog about wanting to be that graceful person who always makes everything ok for everyone while I'm going through my own personal hell.

I want to deal with my heatlh gracefully. I.Am.Not.That.Person.

More is the pity, but sometimes we just have to grit our teeth, accept who we are and do the best we can to get through our day.

Just know if you feel like you "aren't" that person, that there a a lot of us just like you who feel the same way.

((((hugs)))) be good to you!

Andrea said...

Amy,
What you feel is so human and natural. I always feel like I cuold be a better teacher or a better mom to my two boys. I feel that my body could be healthier. Sometimes you need to remind yourself all of the wonderful things you do for your family, friends and children. When I get sad or bummed out about myself or life I take out a pen and I write down all the good things I've done and I do a random act of kindness which makes me feel much better. I asked all of my sixth grade students to do a random act of kindness over vacation, and that might be to just smile at a stranger , or call or write a friend. Remember life is full of thorns and also roses. Hang in there , be you , speak and write your heart because all of us bloggers just want to be there for you to send our prayers and love so that you will feel better. Has your daughter read twilight, yet? I just finished book two. I figure since all my students are reading the series and watching the movie so should I. Let me know if you ever need anything, in the meantime don't hesitate to let me know. In the meantime, I'm praying for you so is our church at Bel Air Presbyterian in Southern California. Take it easy! Andrea

Grace said...

Hummm... a thought-provoking question.... Ya know Amy? I think You ask me this question all the time. We all do this... we expect ourselves to be better... perfect... etc... when we don't expect it of others. Well... shoot... we shouldn't expect it of others nor ourselves. Remind me of that the next time I'm so hard on myself.. Deal?

I think you sell yourself short.... you are stronger, more sure of yourself, faithful, caring, and trust God more than you sometimes realize.

I love that you lay it all out here... this helps you... but my gosh... it helps many of those that read your blog... whether they ever comment or not.

YOU are a gift from God and a wonderful child of God.

{i}Post said...

That is a good question...maybe the solution is to start addressing ourselves in third person. ;0) Hugs and smooches!

AmberP said...

We are SO hard on ourselves and it makes no sense... I guess without that quality though we would not aspire to be more. We would not have that drive to try to be better than we are, healthier than we are, stronger than we are. It's those moments that we are so low, so hard on ourselves that help us rise up and be stronger and better in the long run!
You have been faced with more adversity than I could even bear, and I admire your courage and your faith - it is inspiring in ways that I am not sure you even know.
You are always in my prayers - and we will take your posts, the good, the bad and the ugly!! :)

Aspiemom said...

Whoops, I'm sorry I grossed you out while you were eating! That DID make me laugh when I read your comment, tho!

Lisa said...

Amy your book is on its way to you. I just got an email confirmation.

Lisa said...

I am right there with you girl and everytime I ask this question... I am told that I need to rely more on God for strength. I am always wishing that I could be a stronger person and when I say "stronger" I mean stronger in my faith.

I know that I am a strong person because if I weren't then I would have never been able to go through evrything I went through in order to have Cameron, but I guess I just wish sometimes that my faith was stronger. I am not saying that I don't love my God because I do and I put all my trust and faith in him, but I guess it is just hard for me to be that perfect Christian that I long to be. Does that make sense?

I personally love the fact that you lay it all out there in your blog and I would never judge you for anything because I myself don't ever want to be judged. I love you for who you are.

Hope you are doing well.

Hugs,
Lisa

Amy B said...

I am really excited about the book. I am going to take it and read it and apply it towards what is going on with every part of my life and recovery. Thank You so much.

bluesuede said...

Amyb said - "Why are we harder on ourselves then we would ever be with others?"

Ok, I'm going to lighten things up here a bit. Are you really sure there is not at least one person you would be harder on than yourself? Of course, you would be harder on her for good reasons. For you -- lmbo!

Amy B said...

Okay you got me on that one..smart butt. That is different. Ha
Love ya...

misty said...

Amy, you are so right. We are always hardest on ourselves. But, believe this-you are braver and stronger than you give yourself credit for. You have touched hearts and lives, give inspiration and hope and help to so many.I am telling you this because I am someone who knows. You have touched my heart and my life and I want to thank you again.God bless!

misty said...

Amy, you are so right. We are always hardest on ourselves. But, believe this-you are braver and stronger than you give yourself credit for. You have touched hearts and lives, give inspiration and hope and help to so many.I am telling you this because I am someone who knows. You have touched my heart and my life and I want to thank you again.God bless!

He And Me + 3 said...

Amy,

You are truly amazing and strong. I think we are all harder on ourselves, because we have a certain expectation we think we must live up too. God does not put such expectations on us...He just wants us to walk humbly with Him...He wants to take complete care of us...& He promises to do just that. Praying for you!