Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Checking In

For some reason I am having a hard time posting in my blog. I feel out of sorts and a tad overwhelmed. I think everything has caught up with me. I have been trying to do more and of course that means I am really sore. But that is part of healing. It will take time..but it will happen. One thing is for sure my surgeon was really honest when she explained the details of this operation...it has kicked my butt. I ended up sleeping quite a bit this weekend after my appt on Saturday.

I have a busy week ahead. I have some appts with the oncologist and the ID DR. I am now on a 12 week course of antibiotics to try to deal with the infection. I am due to have some specialty blood work done Friday. I have a MRI of my left breast, a cat scan and a pet scan ( PET is in 4 weeks) . I may glow by the time I am done. I am hopeful to have some good results from some of my blood work that has been pending. I am very hopeful to have some good news to report later this week.

Philip and I had our first conflict with appts. We both have things scheduled for tomorrow. After speaking to his Dr , it was decided to hold off on his appt. He was due to have a muscle test done...and in truth Philip is not in the best health right now to have that done. Plus his Dr felt my appt was more important. How nice to have Philip's Dr care about my appts and medical condition. Just goes to show what wonderful Dr Philip has.

Speaking of Philip, we have gotten some hard news this past week. Still working on the details and taking some time as a family to digest everything. We also have had to make some hard decisions regarding his education. So if you could please keep Philip in your prayers . He is such a wonderful young man . I hate that he is struggling so much. I can not help but feel like it is his time for a BREAK.

I am having a issue with my face. Lately that seems to be a major issue. The medication has made my face swell some days and turn beat red. It has become paper thin in areas and if I rub it ..it easily can bleed. I know this is a side effect of the meds and it is not constant. But it is annoying. Plus I will be honest and say..I am pretty sure my face is going to scar from the infection I had on it after the operation. I hope not. I know it is not the end of the world and a small price to pay.....But I hope it heals without scars.

I am trying hard to pull something from real deep inside of me. Some days I feel strong and others I feel like a mess. I have had some pretty serious anxiety lately. I have never really had a issue with it before and I must admit I hate it. I find myself worrying about things that are not important or things that are pretty scary. It has me feeling pretty alone. I know in my heart I am far from alone...yet I feel pretty alone most days. I am taking baby steps. One appt, one day at a time. This too shall pass...right?

I am going to wake up tomorrow with a fresh outlook. I am going to walk into the appts tomorrow with a positive mojo...how is that for a attitude..lol

15 comments:

Melissa said...

I have no advice...just wanted to send you a (((hug))) thought you could use one.

eske said...

Please know you are not alone, at least in the sense that lots and lots of us care so very much about every thing you are going through. I can't know what you are going through, but you can be darn sure I care about what you are going through........

annie kelleher said...

you're going through a tough time with guts and grace. i wish i could say something that could make it all better even for a few minutes but all i can do is send hugs and happy thoughts that both you and phillip are healed soonest!!!!

April said...

Morning, Amy...

Just letting you know, once again, that I don't pretend to understand what all you're going through, but I care and I'm praying for you and your family. I trust that you will receive some encouraging news from your appts/tests this week.

Stay strong and just continue to remain positive. God is watching over you!

Aspiemom said...

I'm so sory for what you and Phillip are going through. It can be very overwhelming, can't it? I'm glad that his dr. is compassionate and understanding about your own health issues and appts as that helps a lot.

Your comment about reaching down deep made me think of what my mom said the other night. I was really struggling and she said "You know you are stronger than that. You have a strength in you that many others don't have and it's what helps you get through so many of these times. God specifically made you stronger because of what you'd need to face and deal with."

That really helped me a lot. I couldn't just let myself be weak and passive and give up after I heard that!

We're praying for you. I'll bump you on Before His Throne.

Queenie Jeannie said...

Hugs honey!!

This is a pretty craptastic situation but you are handling it soooo wonderfully! Just keep going, and take each day as it comes. We are here for you!!!!

He And Me + 3 said...

I will be praying for you and Philip...love your new attitude or outlook. Got to stay postitive even when it is hard..attitude does help the healing.

Lisa said...

Amy -

I can't imagine what you are going through, but I know that my heart goes out to you. You have so much going on right now and I can totally understand why you are feeling that way...overwhelmed in so many ways I am sure.

Just know that I am thinking about you and praying for your healing every day.

Hugs,
Lisa

Aimee said...

will not give "word of wisdom" peace and assurance on you today in Jesus name!

Christy said...

Praying for you and sending *hugs* your way.

Ann said...

I call the scars from my treatment... a multitude of things I guess it all depends on the day. One thing is for certain- I'm glad to share them with anyone who needs a reality check. Some day you will wear them with pride.

Your real emotions are a gift to your listeners. It is so nice to read about your real feelings over fluff...something I need to remember.

You and your family remain in my prayers...

tara @ kidz said...

God bless you and Philip. You're not alone!

Andrea said...

Amy,
So many people are praying for you and Phillip. I hope you won't feel so alone. The Lord is with you to bring you comfort when you feel down or anxiety, which we would all feel if we were in your position. A friend of mine lost 4 out of her 5 children while on a vacation to Turkey when an Earthquake struck. She was trapped for 3 days while she listened to her daughter 3 at the time cry out for her. She prayed to God the whole time. She learned to take one step at a time and now she says she walks with a limp in life but she is much stronger then ever before. You may walk with a slight limp one day but you and Phillip both will fight these circumstances together one step at a time. You are both strong and become stronger each day you choose to wake up with courage and to march on!! YOU AMAZE ME!! You can and will beat this! Don't worry about days you don't want to blog or open your heart to the world, we will all be praying for you always.

Charmaine said...

Considering all that is going on in yours and Phillip's life, I can understanding having some anxiety. Saying you are going to give it to God and doing it are two very different things. I will pray that you find comfort in letting go and letting God handle your problems. Praying for Phillip and his many problems and sending special prayers for no scars...Love you!

*Keli* said...

Hi sweet lady! I'm so sorry I've not been on here lately! But that doesn't mean I'm not thinkin' about you, Philip and your family! Love ya Keli