Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Soooo...Stepping out of my comfort zone

I have been thinking a lot while I have been healing from my surgery. I have to laugh or maybe I should cry, not sure. I have had thoughts of this and that...what I should , could , would or will do when I am up and about. Some of them consist of running a 5k...( ha) or painting my whole house..or name it I have thought about it.
But today I did some serious thinking about something that has been nagging at me for a LONG time. I decided that IF I post about it maybe I will have some accountability with it. And maybe I will be more inclined to follow thorugh..Maybe...I hope.
A little background. I grew up with a very strict dad. The words control and stern do not do him just. I vowed to never be anything like him. And to most degrees I have followed through on that. But one thing I did not realize until lately is...some wounds take time to notice and even longer to heal.
My father was very stern about food. Did we starve? NO... But did we have enough? NO. In fact he made sure he had what he needed and wanted over us his children. Over time this left me feeling as if I needed to make sure I had enough always. Now let me say that I do not have closets filled with food or a basement filled ..just in case. But I do have a deep freezer filled and my cabinets are filled. While this may sound great it is a constant reminder to me of something. What? I am not sure. But something. Maybe that I am lacking something..or better said..That I fear I may lack something.
As I mentioned before I have lost 95 pounds in the last year. I have worked really hard at not over eating but still need to work with over buying.
I find myself not using what we have and buying more because I want to make sure the freezer stays full at all times and what if we run out etc. And most times this would be okay thing. But besides the emotional reminders. There is always the risk of the food going to waste...such as if it goes bad..and even wore when we lost two freezers filled during the hurricanes.
The filled freezer seems to bring me more guilt then comfort.
So ..instead of a cute little post or a woo hoo all is great update. I am stepping out of my comfort zone and putting this out here,
I am going to make a big effort to start eating out of my freezer and pantry till the new year. I am going to only buy the side items needed to make meals complete. I am going to make a effort to not feel the need to have the freezer filled. I am going to have faith that I am not going to starve...I would put a LOL or HAHA after that but deep down maybe I am afraid of that.
Does any of this make sense?


Davisix said...

Amy ~ First of all, I am so proud of you for this post. I tend to always post the light-hearted stuff too when my life is not always like that. Secondly, I'm glad you did and I need for you to're not alone with your "issue". I mean, mine might not be needing to stock the fridge but believe me Girl, I have issues. This blogging network is so supportive and strong. Please know that I will be praying for you regarding this particular subject. Trust in the Lord. xoxo Ang

He And Me + 3 said...

Thank you for sharing. I had a time this summer that I did this. I felt like we had so much food and I would just keep going to the store to buy stuff that was everyone's favorites, while good food just sat around going to waste. Do you know we went a whole 3 weeks without me visiting the grocery store? Sure the kids were not as thrilled about their food, but I was tired of buying and not eating what we had. I can relate to a certain degree. I pray that the Lord gives you peace in dealing with this matter. Thank you again for opening up and sharing!

Ashley Griffin said...

found you through Davisix! wow! 95 lbs!! i am on that same journey and so far i am at about 60! as for the freezer, it's all about the control. think about it... And just think how much extra you might have to go buy yourself something special!

Pretty Organizer said...

How great. Our family had 6 kids and my dad was either making 200K or was not employed for a few years. Major Feast or Famine. As a result, I'm a food person too. I have great comfort in knowing that there's "enough" in my pantry "just in case." I do have a food storage (emergency purposes) that I maintain but freezer and pantry items are something I like to maintain. Recognition is half the battle. Good for you!